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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of inquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

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The chart illustrates the number of queries provided by the tourist information office during 2011 in
six-
Correct article usage
a six-month
show examples
month
Use synonyms
 period only in one city.
Overall
Linking Words
, both
in person
Correct your spelling
in-person
 and telephone manners are dramatically increased
at the end
Linking Words
 of June.
However
Linking Words
 letter-email approach
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
decreased
throughout the
Change preposition
over
show examples
 time. In detail, by using in person method noticed that
began
Check wording
the value began
show examples
nearly
Change preposition
at nearly
show examples
below
Change preposition
apply
show examples
500,
then
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 showed a gradually rised in the value
month
Use synonyms
 by
month
Use synonyms
 until
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 the highest level around
1900
Punctuation problem
1900,
show examples
 roughly over the third compered to
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the beginning of the period . Moving on to
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 another method via letter/email started just above 700 but declined the
month
Use synonyms
 after that,
then
Linking Words
 remained stable until
made
Correct pronoun usage
it made
show examples
 a
slightly decreased
Replace the word
slight decrease
 again, in the
last
Linking Words
 two
Use synonyms
month
Fix the agreement mistake
months
show examples
 remained unchanged.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, via telephone began approximately with around 800, showed
wide
Correct article usage
a wide
show examples
varity
Correct your spelling
variety
 of fluctuations over the months, in the end of the entire
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 started to jump considerably.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words month with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Inquiries
  • Tourist Information Office
  • Overall trend
  • Sharp increase
  • Gradual decline
  • Peak
  • Fluctuation
  • Outnumbered
  • Dominated
  • In-person inquiries
  • By telephone
  • By letter/email
  • Correspondence
  • Interpersonal
  • Communication method
  • Popularity
  • Comparison
  • Tourism season
  • Visitor engagement
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