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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers ahould be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe thay should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion.

#people #professionals #doctors #engineers #ahould #work #country #thay
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Some
people
 suggest that
people
 who have professional skills should
work
 in the
country
 where they received the training. Others believe that it should be free to
work
 in another
country
.
This
 essay will explain both opinions and why I support the latter idea. On the one hand, some
people
 believe that
doctors
 and engineers should stay and
work
 in the
country
 where training is done.
For example
, students took education at universities and learned at regional hospitals, before they became
doctors
. During
this
 period, they were given lots of support from society. They have a duty to
work
 for
people
 who live in the area where they received their education. Research recently conducted by the Ministry of Health in Japan discovered that the number of
doctors
 is decreasing rapidly and some rural areas' hospitals face a severe shortage of medicians. If
doctors
 stay in the same area where they learned, the lack of ones will alleviate.
On the other hand
, I believe there is a right to decide where they
work
. They can get higher-salary jobs in foreign countries.
According to
 an article by Nikkei newspaper, the average IT engineer's salary in the USA is three times higher than Japan's
this
 year.
Therefore
,
people
 change their
work
 locations to seek better jobs, especially among younger generations.
Additionally
, moving ability can foster international collaboration and understanding. We can share the best practices across countries, which can be beneficial
today's
Change preposition
in today's
show examples
 world. In conclusion,
although
 there are some drawbacks that professionals moving to another
country
, they should be allowed to choose their working environment.
Submitted by nao.bb0820 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider structuring your essay more logically by separating the points more clearly. For instance, you could have a distinct paragraph for the discussion of the support professionals receive during their training and their duty to the society, and another distinct paragraph for the benefits of allowing professionals to work abroad.
task achievement
Ensure that each main idea is fully explored and supported with additional examples or evidence. This will make your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay well.
relevant specific examples
Your examples are relevant and specific, providing strong support to your main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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