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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private life? Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In the modern world, it is undeniable that the lives of famous people are constantly followed and reported by the
media
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. Some people believe that celebrities are treated unfairly and should be given more
privacy
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,
while
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 others argue that loss of
privacy
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 is a natural consequence of fame. In
this
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 essay, an attempt will be made to examine both perspectives. Those who support the idea that public figures should accept
media
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attention
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 provide some reasons to justify their view. One of the most apparent reasons is that fame brings both benefits and responsibilities. To illustrate, celebrities often gain wealth, influence, and public recognition, which naturally attracts
media
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 interest.
For instance
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, actors, athletes, and influencers rely on public
attention
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 to maintain their careers.
In addition
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, the public may feel that they have a right to know about the lives of individuals who influence society.
Therefore
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,
media
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 coverage is often seen as a reasonable consequence of being famous. Those who disagree with the above idea
also
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 have some points that should not be overlooked. One major reason is that excessive
media
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attention
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 can be intrusive and harmful. To clarify, constant surveillance may affect mental health and limit personal freedom.
For example
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, celebrities may face stress, anxiety, or even safety risks
due to
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 a lack of
privacy
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.
Furthermore
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,
media
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 reporting can sometimes be exaggerated or misleading, which can damage reputations unfairly. From personal observation, everyone, regardless of status, deserves a certain level of
privacy
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 and respect. To recapitulate, it is evident that fame naturally attracts
media
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attention
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,
while
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 excessive exposure can negatively impact individuals’ well-being. Having considered both sides thoroughly, I have personally come to believe that famous people should be given more
privacy
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, and
media
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 organisations should respect personal boundaries
while
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 reporting responsibly.

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task response
Give a clearer own view earlier and keep it strong in all parts.
task response
Add more real and clear examples to support your ideas.
task response
Explain each main point a little more deeply.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way, not in every sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make some ideas connect more smoothly from one sentence to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Develop each body paragraph with one clear main idea and fuller support.
task response
You answered both views and gave your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow.
task response
Most points are relevant to the topic.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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