Some people think that school should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In the modern world, it is undeniable that schools play an important role in motivating
students
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to achieve their full potential. Some people believe that
students
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with the highest academic results should be rewarded,
while
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others argue that it is more important to recognise those who show
improvement
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. In
this
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essay, an attempt will be made to examine both perspectives. Those who support rewarding the best academic results provide some reasons to justify their view. One of the most apparent reasons is that it encourages excellence and high standards. To illustrate, recognising top-performing
students
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can motivate others to work harder and achieve similar success.
For instance
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, awards for high grades can create a competitive environment that pushes
students
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to perform at their best.
In addition
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,
such
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recognition may help outstanding
students
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gain opportunities
such
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as scholarships or
further
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academic advancement. Those who disagree with the above idea
also
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have some points that should not be overlooked. One major reason is that rewarding
improvement
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promotes fairness and inclusivity. To clarify, not all
students
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start at the same academic level, and recognising progress can motivate a wider range of learners.
For example
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,
students
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who make significant improvements may feel encouraged to continue working hard, even if they do not achieve top grades.
Furthermore
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,
this
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approach can build confidence and foster a positive learning environment, where effort and perseverance are valued. To recapitulate, it is evident that rewarding top academic results can promote excellence,
while
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recognising
improvement
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encourages motivation and inclusivity. Having considered both sides thoroughly, I have personally come to believe that rewarding
improvement
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is more important, as it supports the development of all
students
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and creates a more balanced and encouraging educational environment.

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task response
Make your own view a bit more clear in the body, not only at the end.
task response
Add one more real and clear example to make your ideas stronger.
task response
Some points are good, but you can explain them a little more deeply.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow, but some linking words feel a bit formal and fixed.
coherence cohesion
Try to make the flow between ideas more natural.
coherence cohesion
Each main paragraph has a clear main idea, which is good, but support can be a bit fuller.
task response
You answer both views and give your own opinion clearly.
task response
Your ideas stay on the topic all the way.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph has one main focus, so it is easy to read.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic excellence
  • growth mindset
  • significant improvement
  • high academic standards
  • personal development
  • diverse learning paces
  • competitive academic environment
  • hard work and talent
  • supportive environment
  • inclusive
  • acknowledge
  • showcase
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