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Writing Samples
Band 7

Adults do less exercise these days. Some people think that showing sports events on the television such as the Olympics and international tournaments is the best way to encourage adults to do exercise. Others believe there are more effective ways to do so. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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In the modern world, it is undeniable that many adults are becoming less physically active. Some
people
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 believe that broadcasting major sporting
events
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,
such
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 as the Olympics, is the best way to encourage
people
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 to
exercise
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,
while
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 others argue that alternative approaches may be more effective. In
this
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 essay, an attempt will be made to examine both perspectives. Those who support showing
sports
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events
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 on television provide some reasons to justify their view. One of the most apparent reasons is that watching professional athletes can inspire individuals to become more active. To illustrate, large international competitions showcase high levels of performance and dedication, which may motivate viewers to participate in
sports
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 themselves.
For instance
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,
people
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 who watch the Olympics may feel encouraged to try new activities or improve their fitness levels.
In addition
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,
such
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events
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 can raise awareness about the importance of physical
exercise
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 and healthy lifestyles. Those who disagree with the above idea
also
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 have some points that should not be overlooked. One major reason is that practical and accessible opportunities are more important than passive inspiration. To clarify, adults are more likely to
exercise
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 if they have convenient access to facilities, time, and support.
For example
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, providing affordable gyms, public parks, and community fitness programmes can encourage regular participation.
Furthermore
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, workplace initiatives and public health campaigns can actively promote
exercise
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 habits, which may be more effective than simply watching
sports
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 on television. To recapitulate, it is evident that broadcasting
sports
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events
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 can inspire
people
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 to
exercise
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,
while
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 alternative approaches provide more practical support for long-term participation. Having considered both sides thoroughly, I have personally come to believe that there are more effective ways to encourage adults to
exercise
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, particularly through accessible facilities and active promotion.

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task response
Make your view a bit more clear in the middle, not only at the end.
task response
Add one more real and clear example to each main side.
task response
Explain why TV sport does not always lead to real action.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to show cause and result clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph grow from one main idea to one strong end point.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are good, but a few need more detail and support.
task response
You answered both sides of the question and gave your opinion.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph stays mostly on one topic.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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