IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Companies should provide sports facilities for local community. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the competitive era, whether
companies
Use synonyms
 should be responsible for providing
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 to the local community is a subject of debate.
While
Linking Words
 some argue that firms should focus on improving productivity and delivering quality services, I firmly believe that contributing to
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 be a responsibility for
companies
Use synonyms
, as it brings benefits to both society and business. On the one hand, opponents argue that it is not the duty of
companies
Use synonyms
 to build
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
. Their primary responsibility is to make a profit and create jobs for the unemployed, rather than spending money on community projects. Constructing
facilities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as stadiums or gyms requires a large investment, which can significantly affect a company’s budget.
For example
Linking Words
, building a football stadium may cost millions and put financial risks on a business
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
otherwise
Linking Words
, they may invest in expansion or hire more workers.
As a result
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 projects might not directly serve the company’s main economic purpose.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I strongly support the idea that
companies
Use synonyms
 should contribute to the construction of
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
. First and foremost, encouraging physical exercise can help citizens prevent
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
serious illnesses,
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes and heart disease, which leads to a healthier workforce.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, governments may not always have enough resources to fund
such
Linking Words
facilities
Use synonyms
, and in that moment, corporate is the best way to
support
Verb problem
apply
show examples
fill
this
Linking Words
 gap, benefiting the entire community.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 initiatives improve a company’s reputation and build stronger relationships with local residents, which can convert into greater customers and even make high profits. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some people believe that businesses should focus only on improving products and services, I think that supporting
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 is important
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 because it promotes public health and strengthens the connection between
companies
Use synonyms
 and the communities.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

tip
Be very plain in the start. State your goal in one line in the first paragraph.
tip
Stick to a clear path in each paragraph. Say one idea per paragraph and add one small example that shows why it is true.
grammar
Fix small grammar and word use. For example, say 'prevent serious illness' not 'prevent from serious illnesses' and 'businesses' not 'corporate' in this style.
strength
Clear choice of side and a firm view on the topic.
strength
Reasoning is linked to the main idea and the plan is easy to follow.
strength
Some good attempt to give examples and to talk about cost and health.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: