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Writing Samples
Band 7

As technology develops, more shopping and business is done through the internet while communication face to face becomes less frequent. Is this a positive or a negative development?

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In the modern world, it is undeniable that technological advancements have transformed the way people shop, conduct business, and communicate. Increasingly, these activities are carried out online,
while
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 face-to-face interaction has become less common. In
this
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 essay, an attempt will be made to examine whether
this
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 is a positive or negative development. On the one hand, there are several benefits associated with the rise of online shopping and
communication
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. One of the most apparent positive aspects is convenience and efficiency. To illustrate, individuals can purchase goods, access services, and communicate with others from anywhere at any time.
For instance
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, online platforms allow businesses to reach a global audience, which can promote economic growth and innovation.
In addition
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, digital
communication
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 tools enable people to stay connected across long distances, which is particularly beneficial in today’s globalised world.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 some drawbacks related to
this
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 trend that should not be overlooked. One negative aspect is the reduction in face-to-face interaction, which may weaken social relationships. To clarify, personal
communication
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 often involves non-verbal cues and emotional
connection
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connections
show examples
 that cannot be fully replicated online.
For example
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, relying too much on digital
communication
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 may lead to feelings of isolation or misunderstandings.
Furthermore
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, online activities may pose risks related to security and privacy, especially in financial transactions. To recapitulate, it is evident that online shopping and
communication
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 offer convenience and global connectivity,
while
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 the main drawbacks include reduced personal interaction and potential security risks. Having considered both sides thoroughly, I have personally come to believe that
this
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 is largely a positive development, provided that individuals maintain a balance between digital and face-to-face
communication
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.

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task response
Give one more clear reason for why it is mostly good. This will make your answer stronger.
task response
Your examples are good, but they are a bit general. Add one real and clear example to support your idea.
task response
Your opinion is clear at the end, but you can state it more directly in the introduction too.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow because each paragraph has one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words well, but do not use too many formal ones like 'to recapitulate'. Simpler words can sound more natural.
coherence and cohesion
Some points could be developed more. For example, explain more how online business helps people or companies.
task response
You answered all parts of the question and discussed both good and bad sides.
task response
Your main view is clear: you think it is mostly a positive change if people keep balance.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph connects well to the next, so the essay is smooth to read.
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