Some people believe that formal education is necessary for success, while others think that success can be achieved through other means. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In the modern era,
education
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plays a crucial part in being successful. Some individuals think that formal study is essential for achieving success,
while
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others believe that success can be attained through other alternative paths.
This
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essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my own opinion.
To begin
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with, with proper
education
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, you can get your dream job in any field because every job has a procedure to get in , and for that, you require proper knowledge.
Moreover
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,
education
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is not about books konowledge, it
also
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includes social skills
as well as
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behaviour, which you can only learn through proper
education
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.
For example
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,
according to
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a survey of "Times India" newspaper, most people have a theoretical
education
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for a job but are rejected
due to
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lack of social skills problems.
As a result
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, individuals get traumatised and lose their belief in a happy life.
On the other hand
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, nowadays technology is very advanced , and you can learn anything online and sometimes without any fees.
Furthermore
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, with the help of technology, many folks are earning money without having a formal
education
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.
For instance
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, most of the YouTubers are making a lot of money by generating videos without having proper
education
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of specific field.
Therefore
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, without studing people still can get success in life by using machines and gadgets. In my opinion, formal
education
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is necessary, but it is not mandatory to be a successful individual. As changing of time, technology is upgrading and opening access to free knowledge for people. In conclusion,
although
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formal
education
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plays an important role in getting jobs, without it, folks can still be successful and can achieve their dreams.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. You talk more about school than the other side.
task response
Give a clearer opinion. Your view is there, but it is a bit short.
task response
Use examples that feel more real and clear. Explain how they support your point.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main point easier to follow. Some ideas jump too fast.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple clear words, but do not overuse them.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and commas. Some parts are hard to read.
task response
You answered both views and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphing, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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