IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertainment and ecological important. Discuss both views

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The always debatable topic of a variety of
animals
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 being in enclosures has been around for the past several decades,when people realised that not only humans but other
animals
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 should have rights too.
While
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 one might argue about the non-existent rules for
animals
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 to be captivated ,others tend to disagree with the thought to disturb wild creatures' lives in any way. Regarding the proponents ,who tend to support the zoos ,often declare their argumentation not as a sign of abuse butas away to help living fellow .If seen from a different perspective,it actually makes sense,because some of the species that are on the verge of extinction usually get treated in those facilities and are helped throughout their stay.
On the other hand
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,the opponents build their belief on a tight bond between Mother Nature and beasts. One of the counterarguments that usually gets involved during the debating process
,
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is that what happens in nature must not be distracted by outer sources.
In contrast
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, the fact that,
for instance
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, complex mammals like elephants or tigers are in restricted enclosures and kept inside
,
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 is still valid. It prevents them from being a part of natural processes
such
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 as migrating or hunting.
Furthermore
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,the researches provide the information that at least fifty per cent of wild
animals
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 that were kept on probation for a long period of time tend to suffer from psychological stress , resolving into slower integration pace into their natural environment . In my opinion,I suggest more improved rehabilitation programs for different kinds of
animals
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.For me,it has always been heartbreaking to view a bad quality maintenance on the sites.I am not sure if
i
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I
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 like either of the mentioned opinions ,but if I were to choose,I would make strict rules for all the places all around the world. When approached with ethics, zoos act as a safe zone, protecting genetic diversity
while
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 educating the public on the importance of wildlife conservation. In conclusion,it seems that even though the two sides share different views on the recently mentioned topic,it seems that after all, it resolves into positive and negative sides, which play a vital role in ecological balance in nature world.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You do this, but one side is a bit more clear than the other.
task response
Make your opinion very clear. In one part, you say you are not sure, so your view is hard to follow.
task response
Use more direct examples. The elephant and tiger example is good, but you can add one more clear case.
coherence and cohesion
Put ideas in a simpler order. Some lines are hard to follow because the sentence is too long.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Some are used well, but some feel forced.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph and explain it step by step.
task response
You discuss both views, so you answer the main task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You give some support for your ideas, like stress in animals and help for endangered species.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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