Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects- Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Some individuals argue that

history

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is one of the main school lessons and other

people

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believe that topics including

science

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and

technology

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are more necessary than

history

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While

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history

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subject can help pupils to pay attention to traditions, I think

science

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and

technology

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are more important because these kinds of lessons can help young

people

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to achieve more success. On the one hand, youngsters do not pay attention to historical events and the majority of them do not know what happened in their country. Many

people

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think that studying

history

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subject should be compulsory in school plans in order to increase the younger generation's knowledge about their countries.

In addition

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, many parents have the idea that it can help their children to show more respect for the customs.

For instance

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, Iranian teenagers do not pay attention to traditional ceremonies like Nowrouz and its concept, they just like

this

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event because they can have joyful times and parents insist that schools should spend more time on historical events by holding

history

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classes.

However

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, I believe that

this

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subject can not help young

people

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gain

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more achievements in the future.

On the other hand

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science

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and

technology

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subjects are thought to be more useful in the modern world and can help the young community to achieve promotion. Nowadays,

science

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and

technology

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topics are focused and all cutting-edge

companies

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would rather employ individuals who are experts in different sciences

such

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as computer

science

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. It can be seen that

companies

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related to

technology

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have more occupations and if young

people

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have knowledge about a specific

technology

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can promote and

gain

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more income.

For example

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, employees in different high-tech

companies

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like Apple and IBM not only have high wages, but

also

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they

gain

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promotions if are experts. In my opinion, these kinds of subjects are more important than

history

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because they are the basic demands of high-tech

companies

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. In conclusion,

although

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history

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can help the younger generation to respect customs and traditions, it can not be useful to

gain

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achievements and promotion and cutting-edge

companies

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need

people

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who are professionals in

technology

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and

science

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and

that is

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why these kinds of subjects should be the main topics in the academic places.

hadadianmohamadhosseinMon May 13 2024

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task achievement

Your essay addresses both views and provides a clear opinion, which is a positive aspect. However, consider elaborating more on counterarguments to provide a balanced view.

coherence cohesion

Try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance fluency and coherence.

coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence. This will help guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.

task achievement

You provided relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your arguments well.

coherence cohesion

Each main idea is supported with explanations and examples, showing a good understanding of the topic.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

367 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

historical context
cultural heritage
societal development
scientific advancements
technological innovations
economic growth
global challenges
educational curriculum
interdisciplinary approach
innovation-driven economy

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