IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that exercise is the key to health, while others feel that having a balanced diet is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

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Some individuals believe that training is key to
health
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, but others think that having a healthy
diet
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 is a more important aspect.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives,
although
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 I believe having a balanced
diet
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 is the way more important than training. On one hand, some people claim that physical activity keeps them more fit and healthy. Doing morning exercise ,
such
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 as jogging or doing yoga, improves both mental and physical
health
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.
In addition
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, going to the gym regularly helps develop muscles and burn fat and calories , which is beneficial to
health
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.
For instance
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, many doctors recommends to walk 10,000 steps every day to maintain good
health
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 because it will keep the body in shape and fit.
However
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, I disagree with
this
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 because doing exercises is only 30% of being healthy. If people do physical activities but eat unhealthy foods, it will lead to obesity or
health
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 problems
On the other hand
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, it can be argued that
Correct article usage
a
show examples
healthy
diet
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 is key to
have a
Verb problem
apply
show examples
good
health
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. Meals that contain horse meat, chicken or eggs have protein in them , which helps build muscles.
Furthermore
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, seefoods have a vitamines to improve human eyes , and soup with seafood helps bones to grow faster. Eating all
this
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 food every day definitely improves human
health
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.
For example
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, some researchers did a survey and found out that eating rice with fish
instead
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 of fast food adds 10 more years to human life. I agree with
this
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 view as it main aspect of being healthy , and people with a balanced
diet
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 have fewer
health
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 issues. In conclusion,
while
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 doing a physical activity can help to be fit, I firmly believe that having a good
diet
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 is more effective because it is 70% of key to being healthy

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Write a bit more for each side.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in every part, not only in the end.
task response
Use examples that sound more real and clear. Some examples now are too general.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in one sentence, then explain it, then give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly with words like First, Also, For example, However, and Therefore.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the next one. Some parts jump too fast.
task response
You discussed both views and gave your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Main ideas are easy to follow in most parts.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cardiovascular health
  • Metabolism
  • Chronic diseases
  • Immune system
  • Mental well-being
  • Nutrients
  • Malnutrition
  • Obesity
  • Type 2 diabetes
  • Circulation
  • Nutrient distribution
  • Preventive health
  • Energy levels
  • Balanced diet
  • Essential nutrients
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