Some people think that competition at work , at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. discuss both views and give your own opinion.
While
some contend that cooperation should be prioritized over competition
, others argue that competing with others in academic fields, professional settings
, and even daily life is beneficial. Although
I acknowledge the concerns of the former group, I have an inclination toward the latter approach.
On the one hand, working collectively can foster a sense of empathy and teamwork both in the academic area and in the workplace. Firstly
, the onus is on schools to educate well-rounded individuals
who are able to collaborate. This
proposition can be approachable by assigning children with group activities that teach them to converse with each other and use different viewpoints in addressing a specific issue. Moreover
, collaboration is argued to be vital for professional settings
. Fostering a sense of cooperation increases the propensity toward socializing and learning about other people’s lives, ultimately motivating individuals
to converse about their struggles with their co-workers and seek their advice. These conversations help individuals
to become more empathetic and caring about their colleagues.
However
, competition
can bring far more benefits to people’s lives. One significant advantage of the competition
is personal growth. Being in a competitive environment urges individuals
to unleash their optimal potential in order to secure a superior position in comparison to their peers. This
mentality helps them to explore their hidden talents and grow them along with
challenges. Another beneficial outcome of competition
is the profit it produces for professional settings
. Companies’ and factories’ revenue generation is highly dependent on their workforce productivity and efficiency. As individuals
compete to secure a place in these settings
, stakeholders and managers get a chance to choose the most productive worker who can get more jobs done in the shortest time. Consequently
, competition
between those seeking an occupation provides a chance for the company to hire the most lucrative individuals
and widen its profit margins.
In conclusion, While
cooperation can be benefit
Change the verb form
benefit
individuals
in terms of their education and relationships, competition
is far more appealing for those seeking profit and and
personal growth. Remove the redundancy
apply
Therefore
, I am of the opinion that looking from a bigger picture competing can promise a far more beneficial future for individuals
and society at large.Submitted by ghazalmoosavi79 on
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task achievement
Your essay could benefit from more specific real-life or illustrative examples to support your arguments, particularly in the section discussing competition. Adding examples can make your argumentation stronger and help to clarify your points.
coherence cohesion
Consider varying sentence structures to enhance the readability and engagement level of your essay. This will not only improve coherence but also make your writing more dynamic and interesting to read.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear and well-written, providing a good overview of both perspectives on the topic and indicating your own stance, which sets a clear direction for the essay.
logical structure
You have logically structured your arguments, leading the reader through your points in a cohesive manner. Each paragraph transitions well into the next, maintaining a steady flow of ideas.
clear comprehensive ideas
You present clear, comprehensive ideas that are logically organized within the essay. This shows a balanced approach to discussing both cooperation and competition.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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