IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Opinions
divided
Verb problem
are divided
show examples
 between those who believe that it is fair that successful professional athletes get
high salaries
Replace the word
high-salaried
 contracts and
get
Verb problem
are
show examples
 paid more than workers with important professions. Others
feels
Correct subject-verb agreement
feel
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 like it's completely unfair.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both opinions.
Althought
Correct your spelling
Although
 both opinions have their own merits
Punctuation problem
,
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I believe that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 it's normal that successful athletes get paid more. On one hand, sports in general are backed up by big companies as sponsors. Making sports another big industry since it has big fans who would pay a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 to watch or attend sporting events. And it is essential for teams to sign the most expensive players as they're the best in order to win as
much
Correct determiner usage
many
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 events as
possbile
Correct your spelling
possible
 that
comes
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
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 up with higher revenues.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
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 Ferrari had to sign up 7 times F1 world champion
lewis hamilton
Fix capitalization
Lewis Hamilton
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 with
70
Correct article usage
a 70
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 million euros per year deal
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 half of Mercedes F1 team fans
now are
Correct word order
are now
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 Ferrari fans since the deal was signed
up
Verb problem
apply
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others say that
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
 shouldn't be spent on athletes
Linking Words
instead
Punctuation problem
; instead
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,
People
Use synonyms
 with important professions should get higher salaries since
the
Correct article usage
apply
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they're the ones that societies and governments lean on.
This
Linking Words
 opinion was strongly backed up in 2020 when Corona virus was spread all over the world
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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people
Use synonyms
 saw that the world needs medical crews and scientists
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 did their best
at
Change preposition
during
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 that period and should be rewarded with higher payments for their efforts and sacrifices. Personally, I believe that it is totally normal for successful
athelets
Correct your spelling
athletes
 to get more
money
Use synonyms
 than other professions, specifically the important
ones
Punctuation problem
ones,
show examples
 as the market is driven by
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 rule " Supply and demand " .
This
Linking Words
 is the golden rule of how
money
Use synonyms
 should be spent on different
things
Punctuation problem
things,
show examples
 whether it's goods or how much
money
Use synonyms
should
Correct word order
people should
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 get paid. In conclusion, some
people
Use synonyms
 support the idea
of
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 it's fair that successful
professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
show examples
 get paid more
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 with important jobs. Others totally say it should be the other way around.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You show both views, but your own view is much stronger than the other side.
task response
Make your ideas clearer with simpler and more exact sentences. Some parts are hard to follow because of grammar and word form problems.
task response
Add one more clear reason for why high pay is fair or unfair. This will make your answer more complete.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some are good, like 'On one hand' and 'On the other hand', but a few sentences still feel too long or not well joined.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each sentence when possible. This will help the reader follow your point more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Support the last paragraph before the conclusion with one more short example or explanation.
task response
You answer the full question and give your opinion clearly.
task response
You include both views and use a real example about sport money.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body paragraphs, and an end.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic paragraphing well, and the order of ideas is easy to see.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial remuneration
  • exceptional
  • merit
  • talent
  • demand
  • entertainment value
  • career span
  • physical demands
  • justified
  • unfair
  • criticism
  • income inequality
  • societal priorities
  • sportsmanship
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