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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the graph below shows the number of shops that closed and

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The graph illustrates the number of
markets
Use synonyms
 that locked and
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 numbers that opened in one region between 2011 and 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
markets
Use synonyms
 that closed were the lowest in 2015, but
after
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 they remained the same until the end of the period.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
shops
Use synonyms
 that opened
flucteated
Correct your spelling
fluctuated
 throughout the period. First of all, in 2011, the
closures
Replace the word
closed
shops
Use synonyms
 were at
the
Correct article usage
their
show examples
 highest point with nearly 9000, after
Use synonyms
year
Correct pronoun usage
that
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, they
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
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 dramatically to 4000. By 2012,
markets
Use synonyms
 that closed had a slight
increased
Replace the word
increase
 to 7000
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 after
Use synonyms
year
Correct pronoun usage
that
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, they went down slightly to 6000. In 2014 ,
closures
Replace the word
closed
shops
Use synonyms
 dropped to the lowest point with nearly 500, by the following
year
Use synonyms
, they went up
significatntly
Correct your spelling
significantly
 to 5000. From 2016 to 2018, the
Use synonyms
shops
Check wording
number of shops
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 that closed remained the same at 5000, but
the
Change preposition
in the
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last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
, they went up slightly by 100.
While
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 that opened were lower than
this
Linking Words
 with above 6000, the following
year
Use synonyms
, they had a slight
decreased
Replace the word
decrease
 to
exatcly
Correct your spelling
exactly
 6000. From 2012 to 2014,
Use synonyms
shops
Check wording
the number of shops
show examples
 that opened doubled to 6000 higher, sunsequntly, they dipped dramatically to 4000 again. From 2015 to 2017, the new
markets
Use synonyms
 faced a period of stability at 4000.
Year
Use synonyms
 after
, the
Check wording
year, the
show examples
 new
shops
Use synonyms
 had a minimal
decreased
Replace the word
decrease
 to 3000.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words markets, shops, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went down" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • the number of shops
  • shop closures
  • shop openings
  • rose
  • fell
  • went up
  • went down
  • changed a lot
  • stayed low
  • reached a high point
  • reached a low point
  • in the first year
  • over the period
  • at the end
  • in contrast
  • while
  • overall
  • there was a rise
  • there was a fall
  • remained stable
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