Some people believe that the salaries paid to professional sportspeople are too high, while others argue that sports salaries are fair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There is an ongoing debate about whether the exorbitant
salaries
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of professional
athletes
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are justified or if they represent social unfairness. In my opinion, these immense earnings are entirely justified because
sports
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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a highly lucrative commercial industry, and top
athletes
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deserve to be handsomely rewarded for their unique talents and extreme physical sacrifices.
To begin
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with,
athletes
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are often regarded merely as entertainers.
This
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stems from the fact that
athletes
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do not provide a vital service like other professions;
therefore
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, receiving enormous
salaries
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leads to societal inequality. Many argue that
this
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substantial funding should be prioritised for other critical public sectors,
such
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as healthcare and education. To illustrate, if the government's budget is allocated to train and nurture talented young doctors and teachers right from their university years, it will ensure a high-quality workforce for the future. Ultimately, only when the public is well-educated and healthy can they become the driving force of a sustainable economy, which in turn naturally stimulates the demand for
sports
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entertainment. That said, it is undeniable that sport is a multi-million-pound industry, which attracts a large audience willing to pay for tickets and televised games or events.
This
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commercial success generates massive revenue, rendering the enormous
salaries
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paid to
athletes
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entirely reasonable, especially considering that they have to sacrifice thousands of hours of intense practice.
For instance
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, in order to deliver highly competitive and appealing football games, players not only master techniques from basic to advanced levels but
also
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participate in rigorous team training to ensure coordination on the field.
Consequently
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, maintaining peak performance requires immense effort in which both mental well-being and physical health are crucial,
thus
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entertainment professions like
sports
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should be valued more highly. In conclusion,
although
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essential professions like teaching and nursing are undeniably vital to social stability, I still strongly believe that high
sports
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salaries
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are perfectly fair.
This
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is because in a free-market economy, compensation is driven by public demand and commercial revenue, meaning those who achieve peak performance and entertain millions deserve their financial success.

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task response
Make your first body part closer to the question. You talk about government money, but the question is about pay in sport. Keep the link more direct.
task response
Add one more clear reason for the side you disagree with. This will make the discussion more balanced.
task response
Your opinion is clear, but you can state it a little earlier in body part two to make it stronger.
coherence cohesion
Use shorter topic sentences. This can make your main idea easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Some links are a bit long and heavy. Use simple linking words like first, also, however, and as a result.
coherence cohesion
The example about doctors and teachers is clear, but it needs a closer link to sports pay. Explain that link in one more sentence.
task response
You answer all parts of the task and give a clear opinion.
task response
Your ideas are clear and well developed in most parts.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear intro, two body parts, and a strong ending.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraphs are in a logical order and easy to follow.
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