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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people argue that because the Internet makes it so easy for children to access facts, schools should not focus on teaching facts. Instead, they should focus on developing children’s skills and potential, and their relationships with other people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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It is often argued that the rise of advanced Internet services exerts a positive influence on the way children access factual knowledge.
While
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 I acknowledge that digital devices make online fact-finding easily accessible, I strongly believe that
schools
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 should focus on teaching soft
skills
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 and human relationships rather than fact-based learning. On the one hand, there are compelling reasons why school teachers should no longer present factual information to their students.
To begin
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 with, it is undeniable that digital platforms are already available in multimedia format on the Internet. With the advent of search engines and AI tools, the demand for students to memorise simple dates, formulas, or capitals has become largely outdated. YouTube,
for instance
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, contains videos that cover the full range of school subjects and lesson topics taught by industry experts and certified educators.
Therefore
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, by moving away from factual learning and towards homework assignments,
schools
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 would remove the need for teaching
of
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apply
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facts in the classroom. That said, a shift away from the traditional style of teaching allows
schools
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 to prioritise social
skills
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 and interpersonal relationships, which truly determine a child's future success.
In other words
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,
schools
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 must create environments where children learn to navigate interpersonal relationships, resolve conflicts, and work in teams.
Besides
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, integrating essential practical
skills
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such
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 as online research, presentations, website design, and even computer programming into the curriculum enhances students' competence in these areas when they enter the future job market.
Consequently
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,
this
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 way of teaching could develop students’ emotional intelligence and leadership qualities, and help all children, regardless of academic ability, to reach their potential. In conclusion, I believe that
schools
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 should put more emphasis on useful social
skills
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 and human connections,
while
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 core knowledge can be studied at home via the Internet.

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task response
For task response, your answer is clear and you give your opinion from the start. To get a higher score, explain a bit more why schools should still teach some key facts, because the task asks how far you agree or disagree.
task response
For task response, your main ideas are good, but one point is a little too broad. The part about homework does not fully show why facts should not be taught at school. Make this point more direct.
task response
For task response, you use one example about YouTube, which is relevant. To make your essay stronger, add one more specific example from real school life.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear shape: introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your ideas easily.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, linking words are used well, such as 'On the one hand' and 'That said'. But be careful not to overuse formal linkers. Sometimes simple links are better.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, most ideas connect well, but in the first body paragraph the last sentence about homework feels a bit sudden. Add one small step in logic there.
task response
Task response: You answer the question fully and your position is strong and easy to see.
task response
Task response: Your second body paragraph gives clear and useful ideas about skills, teamwork, and future work.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Each paragraph has one main idea, so the essay is easy to read.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your introduction and conclusion are both present and clear.
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