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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The dangers of smoking are well known, yet many people continue with this habit. What are the causes of this? How can we reduce smoking in society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#dangers #people #habit #society
Smoking is not only harmful to the
people
 who smoke, but it is
also
 harmful to their family members as there is a genetic impact of smoking. Recently, there has been a drastic increase in deaths
due to
 smoking, still, some
people
 continue with
this
habit
.
This
 essay will outline the causes and ways to reduce smoking in society.
To begin
 with, there can be various reasons behind
this
habit
 as many
people
 try to reduce their stress by smoking or some
people
 feel better when they smoke.
Furthermore
, some
people
 may have tried smoking as an experiment which converted into a
habit
.
For example
, my brother tried smoking because his friends suggested him. Now, after trying every possible solution, he is still unable to get rid of his smoking
habit
. Smoking
also
 affects our genetics and women who smoke, are more likely to conceive a mentally or physically challenged baby.
However
, there is always a solution to every problem. To reduce smoking, one can join a rehab centre where doctors try to treat them professionally and
this
 path has a good amount of success rate.
Also
, governments should increase the prices of cigarettes so that fewer
people
 can afford
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Furthermore
, educational campaigns can
also
 be helpful to educate young
people
 who are unaware of the consequences of smoking.
For instance
, every college should organize a smoke-free campaign where they can gather all the students from their college and spread the knowledge. In conclusion, a person should never lean towards smoking as it not only affects the lungs but it
also
 affects other body parts including genes.
Also
, there are various ways to educate society through advertisements, surveys and campaigns which will play a key role in reducing smoking.
Submitted by tirththakkar23 on

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Task Achievement
Make sure your essay directly addresses all parts of the task. Your essay covered both causes and solutions but consider deepening the analysis of each point.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider variety of sentence structures to enhance clarity and flow in your writing.
Task Achievement
Integrate more specific examples or data to support your points. While personal experiences add value, incorporating broader evidence could enrich your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on the transition between paragraphs to make the flow of ideas smoother. This can be achieved through more explicit linking phrases or words.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively encapsulating the main ideas.
Task Achievement
Your essay maintains a clear focus on the topic, competently exploring causes and solutions related to smoking.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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