IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that high school programmes should include compulsory unpaid community service (for example coaching sports to younger children, helping to improve the neighbourhood, or volunteering for a charity). To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In the contemporary world, there has been an increasing debate among scholars on whether
school
Correct subject-verb agreement
schools
show examples
 should include unpaid
community
Use synonyms
 service or not. Some
argues
Correct subject-verb agreement
argue
show examples
 that schools need to make those services
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a compulsory subject. I strongly agree with the opinion as I believe
this
Linking Words
 is crucial in developing social skills and
career
Use synonyms
 development for young
people
Use synonyms
. One of the compelling reasons why I agree with the idea is that young
people
Use synonyms
 will benefit from developing their social skills in
a long-run
Correct determiner usage
the long run
show examples
. Participating in
community
Use synonyms
 services not only
promote
Correct subject-verb agreement
promotes
show examples
 volunteering work, but
also
Linking Words
 helps them to
co-operate
Correct your spelling
cooperate
, collaborate, and work as a team. Interaction with a group of
people
Use synonyms
 and
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
 of ethnicity teach them to become responsible
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 socially and
also
Linking Words
build
Correct subject-verb agreement
builds
show examples
 up their networking opportunities
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a higher level.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 helps them to focus more on
career
Use synonyms
 development, particularly
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 those who are seeking to study
community
Use synonyms
 development subjects
such
Linking Words
 as social work, psychology, and
community
Use synonyms
 service. Working with communities at a young age will
them
Verb problem
help them
show examples
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
gain experience about the foundation and structure of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, which can become an advantage for them later to get
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
 degree and
future
Correct article usage
a future
show examples
career
Use synonyms
 pathway.
However
Linking Words
, it is
also
Linking Words
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
acknowledged that adding
extra
Correct article usage
an extra
show examples
 subject can become
burden
Correct article usage
a burden
show examples
 to some students who are academically weak. Schools
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
, therefore
show examples
therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
show examples
 should organise official
discussion
Check wording
discussions
show examples
 with local authorities, students and their parents before making it compulsory. Taking everything into account,
although
Linking Words
 fewer students might struggle with the new change, I believe that adding
community
Use synonyms
 service subjects brings far better opportunities rather than the drawbacks in
a long-run
Correct determiner usage
the long run
show examples
. I believe that being socially active and focusing more on
career
Use synonyms
boost up
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
show examples
 young
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 lives in a modern world.

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task response
Give one clear example from real life or your own experience to make your ideas stronger.
task response
Explain your main ideas a bit more, especially how community service helps career growth.
task response
Your answer is clear, but the part about the other side is short. Add one more reason or example there.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some ideas connect well, but a few sentences feel too long.
coherence cohesion
Make each body paragraph focus on one main idea only, then support it with explanation and example.
coherence cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar because small errors can make the flow less smooth.
task response
You clearly state your opinion in the introduction and keep it through the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end.
task response
The two main reasons are easy to see: social skills and career growth.
coherence cohesion
You use paragraphing well, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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