In many countries today, major cities have become too big and overcrowded. Why is it? What methods could be taken to reduce this problem?

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Nowadays, many people are migrating to large cities, leading to overcrowding.
This
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trend can be assigned to several factors, but diverse strategies can be implemented to reduce the level of urbanisation. One of the most common reason of overpopulation is the variety of opportunities which major cities offer. Many of the educational zones and work facilities are situated in the city side. So, many individuals are moving there in order to expand their knowledge and find better job opportunities. Their desire to build a more successful future leads them to a crowded, but developed town.
For example
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, the majority of people are originally from different regions, moving to city area to escape from unemployement in their villages.
Moreover
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, modern lifesyle and entertainement are other driving factors, which bring them to a developed city. Unlike the countryside, capitals are surrounded by various modern facilities
such
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as restaurants and shopping malls. To persue a higher living standard, many individual tend to live in urban areas. There are two main measures that should be taken to limit
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issue.
Firstly
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, constructing these types of modern facilities all over the nation, not only in developed cities.
Secondly
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, the other solution is creating more job opportunities with higher educated universities and schools. It gives them a chance to earn a stable income and access to advanced education, even in small towns.  In conclusion, the measures I mentioned in the former statement are needed to improve
this
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problem.

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task response
Task response: You answer both parts of the task. This is good. But your ideas can be more fully explained.
task response
Task response: Your main causes are clear: jobs, study, and city life. Try to add one more clear reason or explain each one more.
task response
Task response: Your solutions fit the problem. But say more about how each step will reduce crowding in big cities.
task response
Task response: Your example is related, but it is quite general. A more clear and real example would help.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear 4-part form: start, cause part, solution part, end. This helps the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some linking words are good, like 'Firstly', 'Secondly', 'Moreover', and 'In conclusion'. But at times the flow is not smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some ideas are repeated, such as jobs and study in cities. Try to group close ideas in one way.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your last line is too short and general. Write a stronger end that sums up the causes and the methods.
task response
Task response: You stayed on topic and answered why cities are too full and what can be done.
task response
Task response: Your solutions are practical and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Each paragraph has a clear job, so the essay is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: You use basic linking words to guide the reader through your ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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