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Writing Samples
Band 6

More and more people want to buy clothes, cars and other items with famous brands. What are the reasons? Is it a positive or a negative development?

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The world has always revolved around communities and one's social status, but as social circles grew smaller, the need to be respected remained ingrained.
This
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 neurological need was capitalised by companies which marketed themselves as premium.
This
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 essay will dwell on how
this
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 development is allowing companies to harm social values
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
while
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 exploiting one at the same time.
To begin
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 with, earlier products used to be priced based on their quality and craftsmanship , not on the basis of the logo placed,
thus
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 folk bought only what they needed
instead
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 of objects displaying status.
For instance
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, in clothes, the focus shifted from fit and fabric quality to designer
brands
Use synonyms
 , which sell average products at high premiums because the crowd is willing to pay for the feeling of exclusivity. The issue arises as many surveys reveal that rich people are often not the ones spending
most
Correct article usage
the most
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;
instead
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, lower-income groups tend to spend
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 on famous
brands
Use synonyms
, to mask their insecurities by wasting their money on subpar products just to feel good about themselves in public settings.
Moreover
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, the exploitation doesn’t end there as these companies often use practices like child labour, low wages or inflating prices by using artificial scarcity to keep margins fat. In the past, many activists tried to raise their voices against these
brands
Use synonyms
 for abusing workers and psychological frameworks , but all fell on deaf ears
due to
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 their sheer monetary power.
For
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example
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example,
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 ‘APPLE’, a tech brand, was sued for
such
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 practices , but they still thrive in many markets , including India , because it is seen as a display of class. In conclusion, these popular
brands
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 will continue to take advantage of people till they are given the exclusivity they want. It can only end with awareness and promotion of local
brands
Use synonyms
 offering quality over hype
,
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.
show examples
 At the same time , changing the mindset of proving himself in front of others.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. Say clearly why people buy big brands, and say more clearly why this is mostly bad.
task response
Give one or two more clear reasons, like ads, peer pressure, and wish for status.
task response
Use examples that are simple and easy to trust. The Apple example is okay, but explain it in a more careful way.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph start with one clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, because, so, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long. Cut them into two shorter sentences.
task response
You answer both questions and give a clear opinion that this is a negative change.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant: status, social pressure, and company use of workers.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use examples to support your points.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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