In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

In certain nations, adults often tell their children that as long as you work hard enough, you can get what you want. It is argued that whether it brings benefits or disasters, I will explore both sides in the following essay. In terms of advantages, many individuals believe it is good for training children's personalities,
such
as intelligence and unafraid of failure. These two personalities are important when encountering difficulties. The holistic approach to solving problems is never to give up, and try your best to find a solution.
For example
, Elon Musk built Space X in order to create a rocket that can fly to other planets.
However
, it was not successful in the beginning but Elon Musk kept finding new methods to improve his rocket.
Although
the rocket from Space X has not been successful, the change has been better recently. When it comes to disadvantages, the biggest problem is
also
personalities, it might lead to a child who likes to head in the clouds and does not have a realistic plan for the future.
For instance
, lots of people create their own businesses without a completed plan
due to
overestimating.
Moreover
, they believe they can achieve their goals only if they try extremely hard, neglecting many factors from the whole environment. In
this
way, they cannot follow the most suitable plans for their goals. In conclusion, children who have been told
this
statement probably have two different outcomes, either brave enough to face various conditions or too brave to deal with real problems but they might overestimate their ability.
Submitted by yushin20020625 on

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task achievement
Try to develop and elaborate on points more thoroughly, especially in the body paragraphs. Provide a deeper analysis or extend the arguments to ensure a more complete response to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all parts of the essay are logically connected. Some transitions between ideas are abrupt. Consider using more transitional phrases and sentences to allow for smoother progression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively summarize the main points without being repetitive.
task achievement
Relevant examples, like the reference to Elon Musk, are provided to support the main points. This adds credibility to the arguments presented.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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