Ending the world’s reliance on fossil fuels will be a positive development (agree/disagree)

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There is a debate about whether it will be a good development
that
Correct word choice
if
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people stop using fossil
fuels
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around the world. I completely agree with
this
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due to
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many advantages.
Therefore
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, I will elaborate on my perspective in the following essay. First of all, ending up fossil
fuels
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can benefit
environment
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the environment
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.
This
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is because relying heavily on fossil
fuels
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causes a lot of greenhouse gas emissions,
such
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as carbon dioxide, that can significantly increase the levels of
temperatures
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temperature
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around the world, which contributes to global warming.
This
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is a serious global issue because it causes extreme weather,
such
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as floods, heatwaves, and droughts, resulting in more disasters. India is a good example of how the temperatures have been rising in recent years, with average temperatures increasing by 0.6
degree
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degrees
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to 0.9
degree
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degrees
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each year.
Therefore
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,
Indian
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Indians
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are suffering from extremely hot weather.
Moreover
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, another positive development is that
natural
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the natural
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environment
could not
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cannot
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be damaged, as
human
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humans
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no longer need to
be mining
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mine
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and
oil drilling
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drill for oil
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, which
further
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helps prevent animal extinction and protect their habitats. Meanwhile, in order to meet people's needs, especially modern technology that
powered
Verb problem
is powered
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by a large amount of electricity has greatly grown over the years, sustainable energy,
such
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as solar power, wind power, and hydropower, would be a good alternative, which can significantly reduce environmental
degradations
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degradation
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due to
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slowing down fossil
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fuels
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fuel
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usage. In the long run, it preserves natural resources for
the
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apply
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future generations.
To sum up
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, stopping the use of fossil
fuels
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not only contributes to slowing global warming and reducing animal extinction, but
also
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encourages the use of sustainable energy.
This
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is especially important in today's high-tech era, where a large amount of fuel is consumed. Ultimately, it helps protect the planet and leaves a better environment for future generations.

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task response
Make your main idea more exact in each body part.
task response
Add one more clear example to support your second main point.
task response
Explain your ideas a bit more so the reader can see how each point links to your view.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully so the flow feels smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Check some sentences that are too long and break them into shorter ones.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one clear focus from start to end.
task response
You answer the question clearly and your view is clear from the start.
task response
Your essay stays on the topic all the way through.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas follow a logical order.
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