IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many parents go to work in other countries and take family with them. Do the advantages in this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Most parents make decisions to go overseas to work with their families. There are both merits and demerits of
this
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 trend. I consider the former outweighs. Reaching long distances with families is disadvantageous. One drawback is the challenge with adaptation. Because there might be different cultures and countries' own languages. If children's speech were formed completely in their own
language
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, there would be problems with interaction with other kids in another
language
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. It takes a lot of time efforts to learn a
language
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 and communicate with others. Over
this
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 time, young people suffer from social isolation. Another concerning issue is the loss of national identity. It is a widespread condition that people who migrate to various places might forget their traditions.
While
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 working, individuals have to adapt to other cultures. They use a foreign
language
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 in order to interact.
Hence
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, they do not utilise their native
language
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, which plays a vital role in nations. There are several advantages of working abroad. One beneficial side of them is improved education. Dwelling in foreign countries opens doors to access to better schools. Not only can children receive advanced lessons and have more opportunities, but adults can
also
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 enhance their skills and gain experiences. Another crucial aspect is that living abroad enables the family to be multilingual. When people learn a new
language
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,
while
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 struggling with challenges, they can achieve their aims, broaden their worldview, and exchange opinions with individuals from various backgrounds. In conclusion,
although
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 there are a number of disadvantages of moving abroad in order to work with families, the positive sides which assist in encouraging quality of life are outweighing

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task response
For task response: answer the question more directly. You say the good side is stronger, but you need a clearer reason why it is stronger than the bad side.
task response
For task response: add one or two clear examples. This will make your ideas stronger and more real.
task response
For task response: explain your main ideas more fully. Some points are good, but they stop too soon.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good. But some sentences do not link smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: use simple linking words carefully, like 'first', 'also', 'however', and 'therefore'.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: keep one main idea in each paragraph and develop it step by step.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You include an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are clear, with one paragraph for bad points and one for good points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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