Some people think that radio has become out-of-date, and there is no need to listen to the radio for entertainment and news. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is widely acknowledged that the world of
entertainment
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and news has evolved in many ways.
Although
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it is clear that
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some
people
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believe that
radio
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has turned into old-fashion tool that nobody uses as a means of
media
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and
entertainment
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, I agree that
radio
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is not a fundamental pillar of our lives anymore because visual
media
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provides more information and
people
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want to interact with their friends for fun.
This
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essay will elaborate on my position with relevant examples and arguments. The foremost reason to support my view is that the visual
media
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plays a crucial role in providing more information and a convenient way for individuals to gather more data and illustrated
materails
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materials
for their complex tasks. In
addtion
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addition
, Visual intelligence has a great impact on perceiving complex tasks
and
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, and
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it requires more illustrated graphs, figures and content.
As a result
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, the visual
media
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has become a constant source in both their professional and personal lives.
For instance
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, some
radio
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program
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programs
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try to find a way to convert their programmes onto social platforms because of a significant decrease in their ratings.
Therefore
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, auditory content cannot survive anymore.
Furthermore
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, another reason to justify my stance is that the means of
entertainment
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have evolved over centuries because
people
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always seek a better and more convenient way to satisfy their desire for joy. Social
media
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provides a space where individuals share their lives and interact with others through various
apllications
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applications
where they can leave comments and like their friends' posts, leading them to use more social
media
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platforms and visual
media
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sources to entertain themselves. To illustrate,
people
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follow their friends and some content creators on TikTok
instead
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of tuning into
radio
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programs.
Therefore
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, the demand
of
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for
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radio
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programs
are
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is
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steadily decreasing. In conclusion,
while
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some
people
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argue that
radio
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still holds value, I firmly maintain that visual
media
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can foster a richer
entertainment
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experience by creating a free space and providing more useful information and data for individuals.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start and keep it the same all through the essay.
task response
Add more direct support for why radio is not needed for both news and fun.
task response
Use examples that are more exact and real, not only general ideas about social media.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simpler and cleaner way. Some lines are too long and hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each body part has one main idea and that all later lines support it.
coherence and cohesion
Use words like first, also, for example, and in conclusion in a natural way.
task response
You answer the question clearly and you give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas stay on the same topic and move in a logical order.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • out-of-date
  • relevant
  • portability
  • rural and remote areas
  • internet access
  • sense of community
  • local engagement
  • traditional radio
  • disseminating
  • crucial information
  • demographics
  • primary source
  • familiarity
  • ease of use
  • revitalized
  • internet radio
  • podcasts
  • diverse content
  • engaged in
  • emergency situations
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