Many people think that the government has to make laws concerning people’s nutrition and food choice for improving public health. While others believe it is a matter of personal choice and responsibilities.

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Nowadays, there is an opinion that paying attention to public health by the government is effective.
However
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, there are those who disagree, saying
choosing
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that choosing
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food is a personal desire and the
country
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should not implement rules and laws about
people
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’s
choice
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choices
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. Granted, one might argue that making some rules about consuming what
people
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want is important, because nowadays, allocating excessive funding to prevent some illnesses is expensive. Poor diets lead to some serious health issues,
such
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as diabetes and obesity.
For example
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, during Covid-19 pandemic,
people
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ate what they preferred without regulations. The number of problems related to the stomach has increased significantly.
Consequently
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, the county was responsible to allocate funding to treatment.
As a result
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, the
country
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should spend a significant proportion of its budget to healthcare system. A
country
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can allocate money to important fields
such
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as the education system and tourist destinations. Despite these arguments, I side with those who believe that choosing foods is based on personal desire. One of the main reasons is that
people
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should be independent and free
about
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in
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their personal lives. Every
people
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have their own taste and desire to eat what they want.
Furthermore
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, if individuals consume their preferred nutrition without any fines or rules, they should not pay penalties to the government.
For example
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, they can allocate money to personal needs
instead
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of fines.
To sum up
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, a balanced combination is the most effective way to prevent unhealthy habits. A
country
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can enforce some penalties or lows to companies which advertise junk and fast foods , or they can organise some gatherings or festivals to provide fresh and healthy products. Eating foods derived from
people
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’s preferences is their lives.

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task response
Make your main idea more clear in each body part.
task response
Add one or two more clear details to support each main point.
task response
Your example about Covid-19 is not fully clear for this topic. Use a more direct example about food laws.
task response
Keep your opinion strong from the start and repeat it clearly in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are weak. Use simple link words in a more natural way.
coherence and cohesion
A few sentences do not connect well to the topic. Check that each sentence helps your main point.
coherence and cohesion
Try to avoid repeating the same idea in different words without adding new meaning.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphing, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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