IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

nowadays people try to balance between works and other part of lives. however, not many is able to achieve this cause? Can you suggest some solutions to this issue?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
Achieving
Use synonyms
work
Correct your spelling
work-life
life
Use synonyms
balance
Use synonyms
 is the common goal among many individuals.
However
Linking Words
, it takes significant effort to plan their routine in that way.
As a result
Linking Words
,
unequal
Correct article usage
an unequal
show examples
balance
Use synonyms
 between
work
Use synonyms
 and other things in
life
Use synonyms
 may cause a wide range of problems, and both the government and employers
together
Rephrase
apply
show examples
can solve them. The lack of
balance
Use synonyms
 between
work
Use synonyms
 and private
life
Use synonyms
 can develop various mental health issues
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as depression
among
Punctuation problem
, among
show examples
 employees. Biologically, every individual requires rest from
work
Use synonyms
 to sustain their mental well-being. To address
this
Linking Words
 problem, employers can implement more flexible options for the
work
Use synonyms
 schedule. Giving opportunity for hires to mark days when they are unavailable for
work
Use synonyms
 can aid them to build plans
apart
Change preposition
outside of
show examples
 the job. Many contemporary companies deal with workers’ stress issues more directly, providing them
a
Change preposition
with a
show examples
therapist, with whom they can consult about their hardships. Missing a variety of important events or
life
Use synonyms
 periods in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 may
also
Linking Words
 be caused by
absence
Correct article usage
the absence
show examples
 of
balance
Use synonyms
 between
work
Use synonyms
 and private
life
Use synonyms
.
Such
Linking Words
 events and periods include participating in child parenting, their birthdays and
singificant
Correct your spelling
significant
 occasions
as
Change preposition
such as
show examples
 graduation from school or college. To tackle these concerns, governmental institutions should impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
job regulations,
for example
Linking Words
, require all employers to accept parental leave for both male and female parents. It will ensure that infants will be raised properly and both parents
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 influence
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them equally.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the government can regulate
length
Correct article usage
the length
show examples
 of the
work
Use synonyms
 week, reducing it to four days. Some countries have tested that format and, eventually,
productivity
Correct article usage
the productivity
show examples
 of the workers remained the same,
while
Linking Words
 their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 became more balanced. In conclusion, the lack of
Use synonyms
work and
Correct your spelling
work-life
life
Use synonyms
balance
Use synonyms
 can be the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 mental health issues.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
prevent
Correct subject-verb agreement
prevents
show examples
 individuals
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 taking part
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their important
life
Use synonyms
 occasions.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts more directly. Say clearly why this problem happens, not only what problems it causes.
task response
Add one or two clear causes, like long work hours or high living cost, in the first body part.
task response
Your ideas are good, but some parts are too general. Give one simple real example for each solution.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each body part focused. One body part for causes, one body part for solutions will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are good, but a few sentences feel long and hard to follow. Use shorter sentences and simple link words.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last line stronger by summarizing both causes and solutions, not only the problems.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear start and end, so the essay feels complete.
coherence and cohesion
Your main ideas are easy to see in each part.
task response
You gave solutions from both employers and the government, which helps answer the question.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: