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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Now days more and more people buy and use their own cars . Do you think the advantage of this trend for individual outweigh its disadvantages for the environment ??

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An increasing
numer
Correct your spelling
number
 of
people
Use synonyms
 drive their personal
cars
Use synonyms
 more than use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
transportation,
waking
Use the right word
walking
show examples
, or cycling. Because it is convenient, reducing
time
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and distance for
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
.
According to
Linking Words
 these
Use synonyms
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
, they will not think about affect to our
environmental
Replace the word
environment,
 which will be
discuss
Wrong verb form
discussed
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 essay. On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to purchase their own
cars
Use synonyms
 because it is easy
for travelling
Wrong verb form
to travel
show examples
, and you will have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
plenty of
time
Use synonyms
 to do your routine. You
no
Verb problem
don't
show examples
 need to rush
for
Change preposition
to
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 arrive
prior
Change preposition
on
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 for transportation and
also
Linking Words
 avoid crowd
people
Use synonyms
 in the bus
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 or
train
Check wording
trains
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if you have
Correct article usage
a car
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car
Punctuation problem
car,
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 you can drop by wherever you want
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
,
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 coffee shop, restaurant, or grocceries before you go to work
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 or school. Because of
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 benefits,
people
Use synonyms
 love to have their own
cars
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, these
Use synonyms
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 above show us that they only think about they pesonal benefits without concern about environmental. Actually, using personal
cars
Use synonyms
 is one of the
Use synonyms
reason which
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons that
show examples
 is
halmful
Correct your spelling
harmful
 for our planet. It makes pollution, and
grobal
Correct your spelling
global
 warming
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
show examples
 they are highly
affect
Wrong verb form
affecting
show examples
 our world.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if everyone
buy
Correct subject-verb agreement
buys
show examples
 new
cars
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 we use many of material for produce
cars
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 meet our demands.
Thus
Linking Words
, if
people
Use synonyms
 have individual
cars
Use synonyms
, it
it
Verb problem
is
show examples
 affected in
bouth
Correct your spelling
both
 direct and indirect
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, some positive sides,
people
Use synonyms
 use their
onwn
Correct your spelling
own
cars
Use synonyms
 because
prctical
Correct your spelling
practical
 and can manage
time
Use synonyms
 in routine.
the
Capitalize the word
The
show examples
 negative side of it outweight them with,
it
Correct word choice
as it
show examples
 is
cause
Correct article usage
a cause
show examples
 of pollution,
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 it main
of
Correct word order
reason for the occurrence of global
show examples
reason
Use synonyms
 to occured grobal warming
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is
tone
Use the right word
one
show examples
 of the big
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 for
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 nowadays.
Therefore
Linking Words
, our small act of help might save the world.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly if the good side is stronger or the bad side is stronger for people.
task response
Add one or two clear examples. For example, talk about one worker or one family and how a car helps them.
task response
Explain your ideas more. Do not only say cars are bad for the earth. Say how car smoke harms air and why this matters.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph. This will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use link words more carefully, like On the one hand, On the other hand, Therefore, and However.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence connect to the next one. Some parts now feel sudden or not smooth.
task response
You answered both sides: good for people and bad for the earth.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The main point in each body paragraph is mostly clear.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Personal mobility
  • Convenience
  • Reliance
  • Public transport
  • Enhancement
  • Personal safety
  • Surge
  • Traffic congestion
  • Environmental degradation
  • Air pollution
  • Noise pollution
  • Carbon emissions
  • Global warming
  • Wildlife habitats
  • Economic impacts
  • Public transportation infrastructure
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