IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In the future, no one will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything online with out paying. to what extent do you agree or disagree? with this statment

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
There is no denying the fact that shopping plays a crucial role in
people
Use synonyms
's lives.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that replacing massive shopping
malls
Use synonyms
 with tiny local
shops
Use synonyms
 is an excellent change. There is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes it . In my opinion, I consider that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 both tiny local
shops
Use synonyms
 and massive shopping
malls
Use synonyms
 complement each other.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, local
shops
Use synonyms
 have many positive impacts, and
manypeople
Correct your spelling
many people
 find it
diffecult
Correct your spelling
difficult
 to live without these
shops
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 feel comfortable with local
shops
Use synonyms
becausethey
Correct your spelling
because they
 have good memories in them.
For instance
Linking Words
, many towns have their own
ancientshops
Correct your spelling
ancient shops
, and they
carrying
Wrong verb form
carry
show examples
 several old memories.
As a result
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 find it emotional to replace these
shops
Use synonyms
 which they
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 used to
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
with modern ones. Another point to consider
,
Verb problem
is
show examples
 modern
shops
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
malls
Use synonyms
. Might be an effective way to
offer
Verb problem
meet
show examples
Use synonyms
people with their
Check wording
people's
show examples
 modern needs.
In other words
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 the rapid
developments
Add a comma
developments,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's needs
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 increased.
Therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
, tiny
shops
Use synonyms
 cannot cover these needs. In conclusion, despite
people
Use synonyms
 having various opinions. I tend to believe that both small
shops
Use synonyms
 and modern
malls
Use synonyms
 play a crucial role in
theeconomic
Correct your spelling
the economic
 field .

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task response: Your essay does not fully answer the question. The question asks if malls should replace small local shops, but your view is that both are needed. This is okay, but you must explain this position more clearly from the start and support it more.
task response
Task response: Your main ideas are relevant, but they are not fully developed. Add more explanation about why small shops should stay and why malls are also useful.
task response
Task response: You give one example about old shops and memories, which is good. Try to give one more clear and real example for malls too.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. This is a good point.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some sentences do not connect smoothly. Use simple linking words well, such as 'first', 'also', 'however', and 'therefore'.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some paragraphs have ideas, but the support is short. Each body paragraph should have one clear main idea and 2 to 3 supporting sentences.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Be careful with punctuation. Too many commas make the essay hard to follow.
task response
You have a clear opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
task response
You discuss both sides of the topic, which helps show balance.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a basic paragraph structure, so the reader can follow it.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: