IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some students decide early in life to pursue vocational careers that involve cooking or baking. For them, it is better to study their chosen occupations in high school rather than regular subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the modern world, vocational
careers
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,
such
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 as cooking, have become more attractive to some
students
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. They point out that learners should study
skills
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 for these
careers
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 rather than regular
subjects
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such
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 as math, physics,... From my perspective, I do not strongly agree with
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this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
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 statements, which I will elaborate
further
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 in
this
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 essay. On the one hand, focusing on
skills
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 for particular
jobs
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 may bring more negative consequences than advantages.
Students
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 can limit their potential
while
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 studying for particular
careers
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 if they commit to a single career path too early. High school
subjects
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 are very necessary because they expose young learners to a wide range of fields, helping them understand their passions and dream
jobs
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.
However
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, courses for vocational
jobs
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 only train
students
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 in narrow
skills
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, which might prevent them from discovering other academic or other interests.
Furthermore
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, vocational
careers
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 not only requires pratical
skills
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, but
also
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 need some solid foundation knowledge.
This
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 is because occasional occupation, especially technical ones, still
rely
Correct subject-verb agreement
relies
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 heavily on basic academic principles to ensure safety from severe accidents.
For example
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, a mechanic needs to know how to calculate applied forces for screws
while
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 repairing a vehicle.
Similarly
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, a chef may use some mathematical calculations to determine the amount of food or the cost of the food.
Therefore
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, without fundamental
subjects
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, workers may face struggles in their vocational fields.
To sum up
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, for individuals who already know what their future
jobs
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, it
Verb problem
are, it
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 is necessary to learn basic
subjects
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 in high school.
Moreover
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, young
students
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 have to study fundamental
subjects
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 to consider their dreams and passions. Studying only specific
skills
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 for vocational fields will
hit
Verb problem
have
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 some adverse consequences for learners.

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task response
Give a more clear answer all through the essay. You say you do not strongly agree, but your ideas mostly show disagreement. Make this more direct.
task response
Add one more clear example to support your main ideas. One example about school choice or job change would help.
task response
Explain your ideas a bit more. Some points are good, but a few parts are too short or too general.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Some parts link well, but a few sentences feel a bit sudden.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph follow one simple plan: main idea, explanation, example, result.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection and grammar because small errors make the flow less smooth.
task response
You answer the question and keep to the topic from start to end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You use examples about a mechanic and a chef, which helps your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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