IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some people believe that
parents
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 are mainly responsible for teaching
children
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 how to become good members of society,
while
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 others argue that
this
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 should be learned at school. In my view, both play essential roles, but
parents
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 have the greater influence because
children
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’s earliest values are formed at home. On the one hand,
parents
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 are a child’s first teachers. Long before
children
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 enter formal education, they observe how their
parents
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 speak, behave, solve problems, and treat others. Through daily routines,
parents
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 can teach honesty, kindness, patience, and respect in practical ways.
For example
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, a child who regularly sees family members helping neighbours or speaking politely to service workers is likely to copy these behaviours. Since these lessons are repeated in real situations, they can become part of the child’s character.
On the other hand
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, schools are
also
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 important because they prepare
children
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 to live and cooperate with people outside the family. In the classroom, students learn to follow rules, share resources, respect different opinions, and work in groups. Subjects
such
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 as citizenship, history, and literature can
also
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 help young people understand social responsibility, fairness, and cultural differences. A well-organised school
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Punctuation problem
, therefore
show examples
therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
show examples
 gives
children
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 a wider understanding of society than the home alone can provide.
However
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, I believe
parents
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 should take the primary role. Schools can reinforce good behaviour, but they cannot easily correct values that are never taught at home. If
parents
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 ignore discipline and responsibility, teachers may struggle to develop these qualities within limited school hours. In conclusion, both
parents
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 and schools contribute to raising responsible citizens.
Nevertheless
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,
parents
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 have the strongest responsibility because they shape
children
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’s attitudes from the earliest stage of life.

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task response
For task response, you answer all parts of the question well. To reach a higher score, add one more clear and real example for the school side.
task response
For task response, your opinion is clear from the start and at the end. You can make it even stronger by showing a little more why parents are more important than school.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow and the order of ideas is good. To improve, you can link one idea to the next in a more natural way, not only with phrases like On the one hand and On the other hand.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each paragraph has one main idea. For a higher score, develop one or two points a bit more before moving to the next idea.
task response
Task response is strong because you discuss both views and give your own opinion clearly.
task response
Task response is good because your ideas are clear, relevant, and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion are strong because your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion are good because your points are in a logical order and your examples support your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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