IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than the previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some
people
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 argue that individuals alone should save for retirement and that
governments
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 should not be responsible for providing financial
support
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 in old age. I partly disagree with
this
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 view because personal responsibility is essential, but a complete withdrawal of state
support
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 would be unfair and socially damaging. On the one hand,
people
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 should be encouraged to plan for their own retirement. Those who are physically and financially able to work during their adult lives have a duty to save, invest wisely and avoid unnecessary dependence on public funds. Personal savings, pension schemes and long-term financial planning can give retirees greater independence and reduce pressure on government budgets.
For example
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, workers who contribute regularly to private or workplace pensions are less likely to experience hardship after leaving employment.
However
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, it is unrealistic to claim that
governments
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 have no obligation at all. Many
people
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 cannot accumulate sufficient savings because they work in low-paid jobs, suffer illness, care for family members or experience unemployment. If the state refuses to
support
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such
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 citizens, old age may become a period of poverty and insecurity. A basic public pension is
therefore
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 not merely a financial benefit but a form of social protection. Since
people
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 pay taxes throughout their working lives, it is reasonable for them to expect some
support
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 when they are no longer able to earn. The most sensible approach is a shared system. Individuals should save
according to
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 their means,
while
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governments
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 should guarantee a minimum standard of living for the elderly.
This
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 would reward personal responsibility without abandoning vulnerable citizens. In conclusion, retirement should not be viewed as the sole responsibility of either individuals or the state. A fair society requires citizens to prepare for the future, but it
also
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 requires
governments
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 to protect older
people
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 from poverty and neglect.

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task response
For task response, your answer is clear and stays on the topic. To be better, add one more strong example to support your ideas.
task response
For task response, you show both sides well and give your opinion. To reach a higher score, make your opinion even stronger in each body part.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. To improve, you can use a few more linking words to show the flow between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each paragraph has one main idea. To do even better, extend one idea a little more before moving to the next point.
task response
Task response: You answer the question fully and clearly say that you partly disagree.
task response
Task response: Your ideas are relevant and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay is well organized with clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your introduction and conclusion are both clear and effective.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancements
  • Healthcare improvements
  • Economic growth
  • Social changes
  • Global connectivity
  • Standard of living
  • Life expectancy
  • Gender equality
  • Legal rights
  • Globalization
  • Cultural exchange
  • Access to information
  • Environmental concerns
  • Sustainable development
  • Stress levels
  • Quality of life
  • Medical progress
  • Job opportunities
  • Income disparity
  • Life satisfaction
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