IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think to produce happier society we must ensure that there is only a small difference in earning between the rich and the poor. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Use synonyms
income
Capitalize the word
Income
show examples
 inequality has become one of the most contentious issues in modern society.
While
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that narrowing the
income
Use synonyms
 gap is essential for creating a happier community, I partly agree with
this
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 view.
Although
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 excessive disparities in wealth can undermine social cohesion and well-being, a certain level of
income
Use synonyms
 difference is both inevitable and beneficial because it rewards talent, effort, and innovation. On the one hand, reducing the gap between high-
income
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 earners and low-
income
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 households can significantly enhance the
overall
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 happiness of a society. When wealth is distributed more equitably,
people
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 are more likely to have access to quality education, healthcare, and housing, regardless of their financial background.
As a result
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, citizens experience greater financial security and enjoy a higher standard of living.
Furthermore
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, a narrower
income
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 gap can foster social harmony by reducing feelings of injustice and resentment that often arise in highly unequal societies.
This
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, in turn, may contribute to lower crime rates, stronger community relationships, and improved mental well-being.
For example
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, Nordic countries
such
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 as Denmark and Norway, where
income
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 inequality is relatively low, consistently rank among the happiest nations in the world
due to
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 their comprehensive welfare systems and high levels of social trust.
On the other hand
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, eliminating substantial differences in earnings altogether is neither practical nor desirable. Individuals possess varying levels of education, expertise, experience, and responsibility, making it reasonable for them to receive different levels of compensation. More importantly, higher salaries serve as a powerful incentive for
people
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 to work harder, pursue advanced qualifications, and develop innovative ideas. Surgeons, engineers, scientists, and entrepreneurs often dedicate years to acquiring specialised skills, and rewarding their contributions encourages excellence and economic progress. If everyone earned almost the same
income
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 regardless of their effort or competence, motivation and productivity could decline, ultimately slowing innovation and reducing economic growth. In conclusion,
although
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 excessive
income
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 inequality can weaken social stability and reduce
people
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's quality of life, maintaining a moderate difference in earnings is necessary to encourage ambition, recognise merit, and stimulate economic development.
Therefore
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, I agree only to the extent that governments should reduce extreme
income
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 disparities
while
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 preserving a fair system that rewards ability and hard work

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task response
For task response, make your opinion even more direct in the first paragraph by saying clearly that you partly agree and why.
task response
For task response, add one more specific example in the second body paragraph to make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your ideas flow well, but you can use a few simpler linking words too, such as 'also', 'so', and 'because'.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, keep each paragraph focused on one main idea, and make the topic sentence very clear.
task response
For task response, you answer all parts of the question and give a clear position.
task response
For task response, your example about Nordic countries is relevant and strong.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, the essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, ideas are easy to follow and each paragraph connects well to the next.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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