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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the average daily sales of selected food items at the Brisk Café, by season. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The bar chart illustrates the
number
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 of food
sold
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items sold
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 in Brisk cafe ( Hot
coffee
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, Iced
coffee
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, Ice cream, soup and salad) in the
winter
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 and
summer
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.
Overall
Linking Words
,
The
Fix capitalization
the
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number
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 of people in the
winter
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 was higher than in
summer
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. The highest option in the
winter
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 was the hot
coffee
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,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest one was in the salad
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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has
Wrong verb form
had
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 the same
number
Use synonyms
 in
Correct article usage
the
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summer
Use synonyms
 season.
Although
Linking Words
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the Hot
coffee
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 was the peak
it
Punctuation problem
, it
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 steadily declined across
through
Change preposition
apply
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the options. The most significant difference between the seasons was in the Hot
coffee
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. Moving to details,
The
Fix capitalization
the
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number
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 preferred the hot
coffee
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 was 70 in
Use synonyms
winter
Punctuation problem
winter,
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then
Linking Words
 it declined
above
Change preposition
by more than
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 20 in the ice cream ,
also
Linking Words
 they dramatically increased from 30 in hot
coffee
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 to around 35 in ice cream . The both season had the same
number
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with
Punctuation problem
, with
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 about 25 in the salad.
One
Use the right word
On
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 the other hand ,the iced
coffee
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 was the lowest option
between
Change preposition
among
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 the food
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 accounted for
3 approximately
Correct word order
approximately 3
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 in the
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winter
Punctuation problem
winter,
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then
Linking Words
 it decreased to 40 in the
summer
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 .
In addition
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of people that choosed soup was 50 in the
winter
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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then
Linking Words
 it dropped to above 20 in the
summer
Use synonyms

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, coffee, winter, summer with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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