IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

More and more people want to own items by famous brands. What are the reasons for this? Is it a negative or positive impact?

#people #items #brands #impact
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In recent times, it is very common that many individuals prefer to buy
items
 from popular
brands
.
This
 essay will first suggest that good
quality
items
 offered by these
brands
 and the mindset of showing off
people
 are the major reasons for
this
 phenomenon, and
then
 state the reasons why it has a negative impact on the lives of
people
. To commence with, it is a general perception that famous
brands
 always have better
quality
 goods as compared with other
brands
.
Consequently
, many individuals choose to pay more money for them. Apart from that, it is believed that
items
 purchased from reputed
brands
last
 longer and
as a result
Add a comma
,
show examples
they are preferred over other
brands
.
Furthermore
, a portion of
people
 find happiness when
others
 notice what they have, and owning something from famous
brands
 easily gets the attention of
others
.
However
, I believe that
this
 trend has numerous negative developments.
Although
 the goods and services offered by these
brands
 are better in terms of
quality
, the prices of these
items
 are very high as compared with the
items
 from other
brands
 having the same
quality
 because famous
brands
 always charge premium prices for their brand image.
Secondly
, many individuals judge
others
 based on which
brands
 they have, and it creates a situation of discrimination.
For example
, a number of children pressure their parents to buy from famous
brands
 to avoid the fear of not getting accepted by other students. In conclusion, despite the good
quality
items
 provided by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
famous
brands
, it is not always worth purchasing from these
brands
, and
people
 should
also
 research other companies providing the same
items
. Many
people
 prefer buying from famous
brands
 to show off, leading them to judge
others
 based on which
brands
others
 own, and it creates the fear of getting rejected among children and youngsters.
Submitted by aayushvsanghvi8 on

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task achievement
To improve your score in task achievement, ensure that your response fully addresses all parts of the task. In your essay, while you have touched on the reasons and impacts, more depth in each point, especially with concrete examples, would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, focus on organizing your ideas more clearly and logically. Use a range of linking words and paragraphs to structure your argument effectively. While your essay has a logical structure, enhancing the flow of ideas and smooth transitions between paragraphs can further improve this score.
Supported Main Points
To better support your main points, incorporate more specific examples that illustrate your arguments. These examples should be relevant and clearly linked to the point you are making, adding depth and detail to your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • prestigious
  • luxury
  • prevalent
  • trendsetter
  • aspiration
  • exclusivity
  • craftsmanship
  • sustainable
  • conspicuous consumption
  • status symbol
  • brand loyalty
  • consumerism
  • advertising
  • marketing
  • economic growth
  • wealth disparity
  • materialistic
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