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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think the government should support artists like painters, musicians, and poets, while others believe this wastes money. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Whether the administration should fund
art
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 creators
such
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 as painters, musicians, and poets has become a subject of debate.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that public money should be used in essential services like healthcare, education, and transport, others believe that the authorities should
support
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 artisans because they not only preserve artistic values of heritages but
also
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 enrich society in a creative way. I personally believe the government should provide a balanced and manageable approach to
support
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artists
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 and their masterpieces. On the one hand, supporters of government funding argue that
artists
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 make a significant contribution to society. Paintings, music, literature, and other forms of
art
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 help preserve a nation’s history, traditions, and identity. Without financial assistance, many talented
artists
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 may struggle to continue their work, particularly those whose
art
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 has cultural value but limited commercial appeal. Public
support
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 can
also
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 make
art
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 more accessible to ordinary citizens through museums, concerts, public exhibitions, and educational programmes.
For example
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, government-funded cultural festivals often attract both domestic and international visitors, benefiting tourism and local economies.
On the other hand
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, critics believe that spending taxpayers’ money on
artists
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 is a waste of public resources. They argue that essential sectors
such
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 as healthcare, education, infrastructure, and public safety should receive priority because they directly affect
people
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’s daily lives.
Furthermore
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, some
people
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 feel that
artists
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 should earn income through the market, just like professionals in other industries. If the public genuinely values an artist’s work, they argue,
people
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 will be willing to buy tickets, books, paintings, or music without government intervention. In my opinion, a balanced approach is the most appropriate solution. Completely withdrawing
support
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 could lead to the loss of important cultural traditions and discourage emerging talent.
However
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, unlimited funding would be difficult to justify when governments face budget constraints.
Therefore
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, public funding should focus on projects with clear cultural, educational, or social value,
while
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artists
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 should
also
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 be encouraged to seek private sponsorship and commercial opportunities. In conclusion,
although
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 some
people
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 believe that supporting
artists
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 wastes public money, I believe that the arts provide significant cultural and social benefits. Governments should
therefore
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 offer carefully targeted financial
support
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 to
artists
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while
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 ensuring that essential public services remain the highest budgetary priority.

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task response
Make your own view a bit more strong in the middle, not only in the end.
task response
Add one more clear example to support your view.
task response
Some ideas are good, but one or two can be more fully explained.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow because each part has a clear job.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words well, but do not use too many long phrases.
coherence and cohesion
Each main point is supported, but support can be a little deeper.
task response
You answered both views and gave your own opinion clearly.
task response
Your ideas stay on topic from start to end.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear opening, body, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are in a good order and easy to understand.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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