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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the number of visitors to a variety of art galleries in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The
hereby
Rephrase
apply
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bar chart
depicts
Rephrase
below depicts
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 to art galleries in 2011 across multiple countries and continents.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is apparent that the Louvre
Use synonyms
museum
Capitalize the proper name
Museum
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 in France has the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 among
the
Correct article usage
apply
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other
expositions
Correct your spelling
exhibitions
, being very close to a staggering 9 million. The Metropolitan
Museum
Use synonyms
 in the USA sits second in the top with 6 million individuals. Following very closely is the British
Museum
Use synonyms
 in the United Kingdom.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the National
Museum
Use synonyms
 of Korea
Linking Words
along
Punctuation problem
, along
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 with Museo del Prado in Spain and the State Hermitage in
Russia
Punctuation problem
Russia,
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 have roughly the same numbers: 3 million, with slight deviations. Both the Metropolitan
Museum
Use synonyms
 and the British
Museum
Use synonyms
 have
the
Correct article usage
a
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 total
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 equal to circa one half
of
Change preposition
apply
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the total
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 to the Louvre
Museum
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, you would need to combine all
visitors
Use synonyms
form
Use the right word
from
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 the National
Museum
Use synonyms
 of Korea, Museo del Prado and State Hermitage to match
Louvre’s
Correct article usage
the Louvre’s
show examples
 numbers.
Overall
Linking Words
, the Louvre sits,
undoubtably
Rephrase
undoubtedly
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,
on
Change preposition
at
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 the top of the list,
while
Linking Words
 the State Hermitage is the least visited of the variety of art galleries. Using the data provided by the graph, we can conclude that European art expositions are attended by the
biggest
Correct word choice
largest
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of individuals.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, visitors, museum with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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