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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think it is harmful for people to watch advertisements, others think it improves our lives. Discuss both views and give your own.

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In today's digital age,
advertisements
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 play an integral role and influence
people
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 in many aspects of their daily lives. Some individuals believe that the commercial
ads
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 have detrimental impacts,
while
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 other belive that it helps
people
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 in improving their daily lives.
Although
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,
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apply
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 both viewpoints have their own merits, I believe that the advantages of advertising outweigh the disadvantages when it is properly regulated. In the subsequent paragraphs, I will discuss both the opinions,
along with
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 my perspective.
To begin
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 with, commercials play an indispensable role in informing
people
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 about the current market trends and in providing information about new innovative
products
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 which are available in the market, making it easier for
people
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 to get access to these
products
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.
For instance
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, the launch of iPhone 16 was highly advertised;
as a result
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,
people
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 are able to get access to the information, guidelines, features and compatibility of the smartphone.
Therefore
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, commercial
ads
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 are beneficial to
the
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apply
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society to attract more customers.
On the other hand
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, sometimes these
advertisements
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 are misleading and promote excessive consumerism.
For example
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, many big brand companies use celebrities and their luxury lifestyles to persuade individuals to purchase luxury goods, even though they do not actually need them.
Consequently
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, consumers make impulsive purchasing decisions and begin to buy exorbitant
cloths
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clothes
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, shoes, and facial
products
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 which are worthless to buy. To summarise,
advertisements
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 not only raise
awarenesspeople
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awareness among people
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 but
also
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 give information about the
products
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.
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According to
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From
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 my perspective,
advertisements
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 have a plethora of positive consequences if governments make strict rules and regulations to curb misleading
ads
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 . If
this
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 aspect continues,
ads
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 play an important role in society.

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task response
Score: 6. Your answer covers all parts of the question, but the ideas need more depth. Explain more clearly how ads improve daily life, for example by helping people compare price, quality, or safety.
task response
Your first body paragraph ends with “ads are beneficial to the society to attract more customers.” This point is not fully linked to people’s lives. Focus on how people get useful facts and make better choices.
task response
In the bad side paragraph, explain why buying too much is harmful. You could mention wasted money, debt, or feeling unhappy with what people have.
task response
Make your own view stronger. Say that ads are mostly helpful only when they are honest, clear, and do not push children or weak groups to buy.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. The main order is clear, but some sentences do not flow well. Keep one main idea in each paragraph and then explain it before giving an example.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between the example and the main point. After the iPhone example, say directly that ads help buyers know if a product is right for them.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion has unclear parts, such as “raise awarenesspeople” and “If this aspect continues.” Write a short, clear final view instead.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating words like “products”, “people”, and “advertisements” too often. You can use simple words such as “goods”, “buyers”, and “ads”.
task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view clearly in the first and last parts.
task response
Your examples are on topic. The phone example shows how ads give useful information, and the luxury goods example shows how ads can make people buy things they do not need.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, good side, bad side, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “To begin with”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, “Consequently”, and “To summarise” well.
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