IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Space travel has been possible for some time, and some people believe that space tourism could be developed in the future. Do you think this would be a positive or negative development?

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Space
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 travel has become increasingly advanced, and some people believe that
space
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tourism
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 will become a common activity in the future.
Although
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this
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development
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 may have some drawbacks, I firmly think that
this
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 trend is advantageous because it can promote technological innovation and create significant economic opportunities. One of the main disadvantages of
space
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tourism
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 is its high cost. At present, only wealthy individuals can afford
space
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 flights, making
this
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 form of travel inaccessible to the vast majority of people.
As a result
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, social equality may appear , and financial resources are spent on expensive experiences
instead
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 of addressing global pressing challenges,
such
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 as poverty, healthcare, and climate change. Another concern is the environmental impact. The flying of the rockets emits a significant proportion of toxic gases, contributing to environmental deterioration. Despite these concerns, I think there are numerous beneficial sites.
Firstly
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, the
development
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 of
space
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tourism
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 encourages scientific research and technological innovation. Many companies spend a lot to find more eco-friendly ways,
such
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 as safer spacecraft and reusable rockets, not only to improve their profits, but
also
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 to benefit the entire globe.
Secondly
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,
space
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tourism
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 can stimulate economic growth by creating employment opportunities in engineering, manufacturing, hospitality and the aerospace sector.
Furthermore
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, increased commercial investment may reduce the cost of
space
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 travel over time, making it more accessible to ordinary people. In conclusion,
although
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space
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tourism
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 is currently expensive and raises environmental concerns, I believe it is a positive
development
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overall
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. Its potential to drive innovation
,
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apply
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 and boost economic
development
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.

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task response
Score: 6. Your answer is clear and answers the question. To get 7 or more, explain each main point more fully and add one real or clear example. For example, say how reusable rockets can cut waste, or name the kinds of jobs that space travel can make.
task response
Some ideas need to be more exact. “Social equality may appear” does not show the problem clearly. Say: “This may make the gap between rich and poor seem greater.”
task response
Your last line is not a full ending: “Its potential to drive innovation, and boost economic development.” Make it a full sentence, such as: “Its power to drive new ideas and help the economy makes it a positive change overall.”
coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. The main plan is good, but some sentences do not connect well. In the first body part, move from cost to the earth more smoothly. For example: “It is also bad for the earth. Rocket flights send harmful gases into the air.”
coherence and cohesion
Use one clear main idea in each paragraph. Then give an explanation and an example before you move to the next idea. This will make your points stronger and easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check word choice because a few wrong words can make the link between ideas less clear. Change “beneficial sites” to “benefits”, and change “The flying of the rockets emits” to “Rocket flights send out”.
task response
You give a clear view: space tourism is mostly positive. You also talk about both bad and good sides.
task response
Your main good points are clear: new science and jobs. Your bad points are also on topic: high cost and harm to the earth.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, bad side, good side, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear links such as “Although”, “As a result”, “Despite these concerns”, “Firstly”, “Secondly”, and “Furthermore”.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Advancement in technology
  • Scientific knowledge
  • Economic benefits
  • Environmental impact
  • Inequality
  • Regulation
  • Sustainable practices
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