IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In a lot of countries, there is a growing concern about the quality of education. What are the reasons behind this issue, and what measures can be taken to improve the education system?

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In
this
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 time, eventhough lot of technology is updated,
but still
Correct word choice
people
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 in
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 field
people
Rephrase
still
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 face many issues. Some people believe that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 and
common
Correct article usage
the common
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 people can get together to solve
this
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 issue, which may
leads
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lead
show examples
 everyone to grow in future. First of all, conflict is the main reason behind
this
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, as students learn
this
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 outside
from
Change preposition
of
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 the classroom,
due to
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 that half of
childer
Correct your spelling
children
 are not attending the class.
For example
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, one of the report state that in 2003, almost 50 million students were out of the class,
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 of conflict
reason
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reasons
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. Moving
forword
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forward
 with the report in
2024
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2024,
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 the number had increased
and
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, and
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 it was 103 million.
Consequently
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, conflict
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
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 a major issue
amoung
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among
 the children.
Secondly
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,
voilence
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violence
 and
bulling
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bullying
 in the classroom
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also
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can also
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 be the reason for that, children faced lot of
issue
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issues
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 related to
this
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 in the classroom
not
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, not
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 only from their classmates, but
also
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 from the
teacher
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, seniors and other faculty. For
instant
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instance
show examples
, some the
teacher
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 has bad touch or other sexual harassment activities with kids, which
make
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makes
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 them secured from the school. Next to
this
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,
unqualified
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an unqualified
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teacher
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also
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is also
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be
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apply
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the main cause of
this
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, as in many area espcially in
the
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apply
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rural areas
teachers are not enough qualified
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, there are not enough qualified teachers
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 to teach the students,
as a
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result
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result,
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 it is hard to say that the kids will grow
in
Verb problem
up in
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that
Fix the agreement mistake
those
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 areas.
However
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, if the
government
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will help
Wrong verb form
helps
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 these
areas
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areas,
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then
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 they will
definatly
Correct your spelling
definitely
 grow and be the sccussful part of the world. In conclusion, from my point of view,
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should provide the proper awareness among the country by
organize
Wrong verb form
organising
show examples
 the
seminers
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seminars
 and camps.
Moreover
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, local
government
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 should hire
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 qualified
teacher
Use synonyms
 to
cope-up
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cope
show examples
 with
this
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 problem,
as a result
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, not only
the
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will the
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 education problem
is solve
Wrong verb form
be solved
show examples
 but
also
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 help to reduce the
employment
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unemployment
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 rate.

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task response
Overall score: 5. You answer both parts of the question, but the answer needs more detail and a clearer link to education quality. Explain how each problem makes learning worse. For example, say that conflict keeps children out of school, so they miss lessons and fall behind.
task response
Your first reason is strong, but the other reasons need better support. Give one clear example for violence and one for poor teaching. Do not make very serious claims about teachers unless you explain them carefully and clearly.
task response
Your solutions are too short. Add a full plan for each problem: keep schools safe, train teachers, give schools more money, and help children in poor or rural areas.
task response
The point about reducing employment does not fit the main question well. Focus on better learning, safer schools, more children in class, and better results.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each body part. A clearer plan is: Body 1: reasons for poor education. Body 2: ways to improve it. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not clear. For example, “Next to this” and “Moving forward with the report” do not sound natural here. Use simple links: “Another reason is…”, “This means that…”, and “To solve this problem…”
coherence and cohesion
Make the introduction say what the essay will discuss. For example: “This essay will look at the main reasons for poor education and suggest ways to improve it.”
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion repeat the main reasons and best solutions in a short, clear way. Do not add a new idea at the end.
task response
You give clear reasons: conflict, violence, and teachers who are not ready to teach well.
task response
You also give some ways to help, such as hiring good teachers and running talks and camps.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, main parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “First of all”, “Secondly”, “For example”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • standardized testing
  • holistic learning
  • underfunding
  • resources
  • overcrowded classrooms
  • teacher salaries
  • curriculum
  • socioeconomic disparities
  • unequal access
  • professional development
  • educators
  • teaching practices
  • innovations
  • modern workplaces
  • advancements in technology
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