IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
While
Linking Words
 it is argued by some that people are generally happiest in teenagers years, others think that adulthood is a happier time. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, describe both views and elaborate on why I agree with the first point of view.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, despite the obligations and responsibilities, adulthood is the most joyful time of
life
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 perspective is certain because during
this
Linking Words
 duration, individuals face new experiences, which they may not have had during adolescence.
Additionally
Linking Words
, adults have already encountered with real
life
Use synonyms
 challenging
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and achieved almost all of their goals.
That is
Linking Words
 why they do not face some problems nowadays, so they simply enjoy
life
Use synonyms
 and find happiness in seeing their children happy.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the happiest age was when they were teenagers, since numerous activities can make them happy even with supervision.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in most cases, they derive genuine happiness from even the simplest things,
such
Linking Words
 as driving a car for the first time, attending a party and obtaining permission to sleep in a friend's house.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they do not have any responsibility or problem,
besides
Linking Words
 homework and study.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 some argue that adulthood is the best stretch of a person's
life
Use synonyms
, I personally believe that adolescence is the happiest era of a person's
life
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Overall score: 6
This is about Band 6 for task response and coherence and cohesion. The main ideas are clear, but some points need more support and some links between ideas are not fully clear.
Task response
Make the adult-life point more direct. You say adults have met real-life problems and reached almost all goals, but this is not true for all adults. Explain why these things may make some adults happy: for example, they can make their own choices, earn money, and build a family.
Task response
Do not say teenagers have no problems. This is too strong. Say that many teenagers have fewer duties than adults, even though they may have school stress and family rules.
Task response
Add one short example for the adult view. For example: “A person may feel happy after getting a good job, buying a home, or seeing their child do well at school.” This will make both sides more balanced.
Coherence and cohesion
Some sentences do not connect well. For example, “That is why they do not face some problems nowadays” is not clear. Say what problems you mean, or remove this line.
Coherence and cohesion
Keep the same point of view. In the teen paragraph, “the happiest age was when they were teenagers” changes from general people to “they”. A clearer form is: “Many people feel happiest in their teenage years.”
Coherence and cohesion
Use the essay question words more carefully. Write “teenage years”, not “teenagers years”. Also, in the start write: “This essay will discuss both views and explain why I agree that the teenage years are happier.”
Coherence and cohesion
Give each body paragraph one main idea, then explain it and give an example. This simple plan will make your writing easier to follow.
Task response
You answer both sides and give your own view clearly. Your view is the same in the start and the end.
Task response
You give clear teen examples, such as driving for the first time, going to a party, and sleeping at a friend's house.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: start, adult view, teen view, and end.
Coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “To begin with”, “Additionally”, “On the other hand”, and “To sum up” well.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Formative years
  • Autonomy
  • Fulfillment
  • Wisdom
  • Significant choices
  • Exploration
  • Financial responsibilities
  • Deeper relationships
  • Personal growth
  • Accomplishments
  • Character development
  • Life milestones
  • Adulthood
  • Adolescence
  • Carefree nature
  • Achievements
  • Life satisfaction
  • Stress-free
  • Independence
  • Responsibilities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: