IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Today there is increasing concern over environmental problems. While some people believe taht they must be solved on a domestic level, others think that only through international cooperation can environment issues be dealt with. Discuss both views and give yoru opinion.

#concern #people #taht #level #cooperation #environment #yoru
Environmental issues have become widespread concern about its threat.
While
 some people believe that
this
 problem ought to be tackled internationally, others argue that environmental degradation is the responsibility of the country itself. Both of the aforementioned perspectives will be discussed in the following paragraphs alongside the reasons behind them. On the one hand, some people believe that the best way to overcome environmental challenges is a global contribution effort. The most common argument is that there are huge problems which need to join hands from a wide range of
countries
such
 as global warming, and pollution.
Additionally
, regions can share knowledge, ideals,
as well as
 technology to face environmental challenges.
For example
, the Mekong Delta River flows through a host of
countries
 from China, Myanmar, Laos and Vietnam.
This
 is a reason why individual nations do not have the ability to solve river contamination.
On the other hand
, I believe that each country should deal with the deterioration of environmental quality by its capacity.
This
 is
due to
 the argument that individual
countries
 experience different circumstances
such
 as pollution levels, and financial situations. Economic prosperity in developed
countries
 has allowed them to invest more budget for renewable
energy
, and nuclear
energy
, but developing
countries
 suffer from financial barriers.
For instance
, America developed sustainable
energy
 sources and green technology 30 years ago
as well as
 mobilised solar and wind
energy
 for daily life.
However
, Vietnam which is a Third World nation, is not affordable to investigate for
this
. Fossil fuel in Vietnam still plays an integral role in promoting the economy. In conclusion, despite the value of international cooperation, these benefits can deal with general problems and shared knowledge, and technology for other
countries
.
However
, in my view, the government in each country should make policies to protect the environment.
Submitted by midden-02.tore on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on improving the logical transition between your points to make the structure even more coherent. For instance, better linking your ideas within the paragraphs would improve the overall flow of your essay.
Task Response
You should aim to use more specific and varied examples to strengthen your arguments. This will add depth to your discussion and make your points more convincing.
Introduction
Your introduction effectively presents both viewpoints and sets up the discussion clearly.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your points and provides your opinion on the matter, contributing to the essay's effectiveness.
Main Points
You have successfully supported your main points with relevant arguments and provided context for those arguments with examples, which strengthens your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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