IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that machine translation is highly developed in today's society. Therefore, it is not necessary for students to learn a foreign language. What's your opinion?

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These days, the pace of technological change is rapidly increasing, and it is getting harder to catch technological breakthroughs.
Machine
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translation
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 is one of the latest well-developed technological advancements.
For
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this
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 reason, some humans think that they should
use
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machine
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translation
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,
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apply
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instead
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 of learning a new
language
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.
However
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, I believe that learning a foreign
language
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 and speaking it is irreplaceable, even if we had the most advanced technology, because of the
emotions
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 and naturalness.
Firstly
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, when we are speaking with another person, the key factor that makes the conversation better is the
emotions
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. Because we can't
use
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 sentences that are translated by a
machine
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while
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 speaking, we have to communicate in writing.
However
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, passing the
emotions
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 to another person in writing is considerably tough.
Furthermore
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, if we had used
translation
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 tools all the time, it would have sounded very unrealistic and would have lost the naturalness of the conversation.
In contrast
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, we cannot neglect the advanced technologies blindly.
Machine
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translation
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 is an important innovation which helps people with their jobs or communication with a stranger.
For instance
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, these days, students constantly
use
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translation
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 tools
while
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 doing their homework if they don't know the meaning of a word.
In addition
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 to that, when I was in Spain
due to
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 the Erasmus programme, I constantly used
translation
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 tools every day in order to communicate with local people
;
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,
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 because I hadn't learned to speak Spanish before.
However
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, I was
also
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 taking a Spanish
language
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 course at the same time.
Consequently
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, keeping pace with technological developments is essential in our world, especially these days.
Therefore
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, we should
use
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machine
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translation
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 in specific times when we really need
translation
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 for a job or communication.
However
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, we still need to learn a foreign
language
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 in the long term, to maintain our naturalness when speaking and to be able to reflect our
emotions
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.

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task response
Overall score: 6. You answer the question and give your opinion from the start. To get a higher score, explain more clearly why learning a language is better than using a tool. For example, say that a person can build trust, understand culture, and speak at once without a phone.
task response
Your first main point is about feelings and natural speech, but it needs more support. Explain how a tool can change tone, jokes, or polite words. Then give a short example.
task response
The Spain example is good, but make its main point clearer. Say that the tool helped you in the short term, while the course helped you speak on your own in the long term.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each body part on one clear idea. In body 1, you move from feelings to writing to natural speech very fast. Start with one point, explain it, and then give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Some link words do not fit well. 'In contrast' suggests the next idea is the opposite, but your point is that tools are useful as well. Use 'However' or 'At the same time' instead.
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending shorter and more direct. Restate your view: machine translation is helpful for quick needs, but students should still learn foreign languages.
task response
Your view is clear: machine translation is useful, but it cannot take the place of learning a language.
task response
You give a real example from Spain. This makes your point more real and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as 'Firstly', 'In contrast', 'For instance', and 'Consequently' help the reader follow your ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • machine translation
  • foreign language acquisition
  • cognitive abilities
  • cultural understanding
  • nuance
  • communication skills
  • human connection
  • idioms
  • context
  • error-prone languages
  • global job market
  • versatile
  • cultural content
  • competitive edge
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