IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Itisimportantforchildren,youngadults,workingpeopleandtheretiredtohaveatleastonehobby. What'syouropinionaboutthis? Givereasonsforyouranswerandincludeanyrelevantexamplesfromyourownknowledgeorexperience

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Some people believe that it is essential to have at least
one
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 pastime activity for all individuals. I firmly agree
,
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apply
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 with the statement because it makes you feel stress-free
and
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, and
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 it
also
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 provides the best
way
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 to express yourself.
This
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 essay will present well-supported arguments to justify my stance.
One
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 of the most compelling reasons
,
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apply
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 is that the leisure activity gives you a sense of pleasure.It is because, when you are in stressful circumstances
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, past
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past time
Correct your spelling
past-time
 activities are the best
way
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 to feel relaxed and happy.
For instance
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, a report published by
WHO
Correct article usage
the WHO
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 suggests that people who have at least
one
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 hobby in their lives are more positive and energetic compared to those who do not have
one
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.
Moreover
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, recreational activity is a
way
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 of
self expression
Correct your spelling
self-expression
. Your interests reflect how you feel ,what your
emotions
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 are and how you take things.
As, expressing
Correct word choice
Expressing
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 your
emotions
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 very important for your mental stability. People who do not express their
emotions
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 are more likely to suffer from anxiety and depression. A study conducted at Yale University suggests that artists have very stable mental health because they express their
emotions
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 through their art.
Thus
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, hobbies
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 a
way
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 out to express your inner feelings. In my opinion, pastime pursuits are very essential for all ages as it makes you feel happy,stress-free and light.
Thus
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,recreational activities are very important to live a balanced life.Leisure activities are vital to live
stress-free
Correct article usage
a stress-free
show examples
 life.
Nevertheless
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, they provide a good
way
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 to express your inner
emotions
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 and feelings.

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overall score
Estimated score: 6. Your ideas are clear and your essay is well organised. To get a 7, make your reasons more fully explained and use fewer repeated words.
task response
Answer all parts of the question more directly. The question names children, young adults, working people, and retired people. Add one short example of how a hobby helps people at different times of life.
task response
Explain your first reason in more detail. Do not only say that hobbies make people happy. Show how: for example, a worker may walk, cook, or play sport after work, which can help them forget work stress.
task response
Be careful with big claims about studies. The WHO and Yale examples sound strong, but they need clear facts. It is often better to use a simple, real-life example that you can explain well.
task response
Your ending repeats the same point many times: “happy”, “stress-free”, and “express emotions”. Make the ending shorter and give one final clear view.
coherence and cohesion
Use one word for the main idea throughout. You use “pastime activity”, “leisure activity”, “recreational activity”, and “pastime pursuits”. This can feel a little forced. Use “hobby” most of the time.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not smooth. For example, “As, expressing your emotions are very important...” should be made into two clear sentences: “This is important because people need to express their emotions. Without this, some people may feel anxious.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating full ideas in the last part. A clear ending could be: “In conclusion, I believe hobbies are important for people of all ages because they reduce stress and give people a healthy way to express themselves.”
coherence and cohesion
Check spaces after full stops and commas. For example, write “yourself. This” and “happy, stress-free”. This makes the essay easier to read.
task response
You give a clear view: you agree that people should have a hobby. You give two main reasons: hobbies help people feel less stress, and hobbies help people show their feelings.
task response
Your examples about health and art are linked to your main ideas, so they help the reader understand your points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: an introduction, two body parts, and an ending. Words such as “Moreover”, “For instance”, and “Thus” help show the link between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part stays mainly on one idea, which makes the essay easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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