IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some believe that pets should stay at home at all times, while others feel they should be allowed outside the home. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is often argued that
pets
Use synonyms
 should remain
indoors
Use synonyms
 at all times,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that they should be allowed to spend time outside. Both perspectives have clear advantages;
however
Linking Words
, I believe that supervised outdoor access is the better option. On the one hand, keeping
pets
Use synonyms
indoors
Use synonyms
 can be beneficial in several ways. A major benefit of
this
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 approach is that it protects animals from possible dangers.
This
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 is important because
pets
Use synonyms
 may face traffic accidents, aggressive animals, or harmful substances when they are outside alone. Keeping them
indoors
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 reduces the risk of getting lost, which can give owners greater peace of mind.
For example
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, an indoor cat is less likely to be injured by a moving vehicle;
as a result
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, its safety can be better protected. Because of
this
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, many owners prefer to keep their
pets
Use synonyms
 inside.
On the other hand
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, I believe that allowing
pets
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 outside offers greater benefits. What makes
this
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 option more appealing is that outdoor activity can improve their physical and mental health. Not only does
this
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 provide animals with regular exercise, but it
also
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 gives them opportunities to explore new surroundings. At the same time, outdoor activity can reduce boredom and encourage healthier behaviour.
For instance
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, a dog
that is
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 taken for daily walks can release excess energy;
consequently
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, it may become calmer and more active at home. In conclusion, keeping
pets
Use synonyms
indoors
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 certainly provides greater safety;
however
Linking Words
, I believe that supervised outdoor access is preferable because regular exercise and mental stimulation are essential for their
overall
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 well-being.

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Task response
Score: 8. To reach 9, add a little more detail about supervised outdoor time. Say who should watch the pet, where it can go, and how this keeps it safe.
Task response
Your second main point is strong, but the first view could be a bit fuller. You could add that pets may get ill from other animals or may hurt small animals outside.
Coherence and cohesion
Score: 8. Your ideas flow well. For an even higher score, make the link between safety and your own view more direct: outdoor time is best only when it is safe and watched.
Coherence and cohesion
Some links are used more than once, such as “This is important because” and “Because of this”. Try a few simple new links, for example “Also”, “So”, or “In this way”.
Coherence and cohesion
The last line says dogs may be “calmer and more active at home”. This can sound a little mixed. You could say “calmer at home and healthier overall”.
Task response
You discuss both views and clearly give your own view. Your main idea is clear: pets should go outside with an owner.
Task response
Your examples are on topic. The cat and dog examples help show why each view may be right.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: introduction, one paragraph for each view, and a conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “In conclusion”.
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