IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #surgery #appearance #operation #change #development
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In recent years, cosmetic
surgery
Use synonyms
 has become a trend since the number of people having that operation has surged every year. Mostly, each of them wants to get a new look which will boost their appearance. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I try to provide an explanation of
phenomenon
Add an article
the phenomenon
a phenomenon
show examples
.
Firstly
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, one of the reasons for doing plastic
surgery
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 is because the job requirement needs so.
This
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 often happens to those who work in the entertainment industry,
such
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 as K-pop idols. The high visual standard compels them to change their looks in a better way so that the fans will approve of their existence and they are going to survive in the industry for a longer time. Somehow,
this
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 world is cruel enough since it judges people mostly only by their faces. Another reason behind the decision to have a transformation is the communities often have low self-confidence regarding how they look.
Instead
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 of fixing their makeup, they try an instance step to enhance their beauty by having an operation. The result of
surgery
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 is permanent
although
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 it costs much money.
For example
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, some beauty influencers have changed the shape of their noses to look more pointed and flawless.
As a result
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, the number of viewers of their content increases and they are praised by netizens for how perfect they look. Eventually, it boosts their confidence to the maximum level. I personally think that cosmetic
surgery
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 is a kind of negative development because it reduces people’s acceptance of their bodies. It
also
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 costs too much. The effect is instant at the same time but it remains unknown in the future.
Submitted by srsdy008 on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure to have a more structured introduction and conclusion. The introduction should clearly present your standpoint and outline the topics, while the conclusion should summarize your views and reflection on the topic clearly.
complete response
To improve task achievement, aim to directly answer the question in the introduction. For this essay, clearly state whether you believe the increase in cosmetic surgery is positive or negative from the onset, and present reasons consistently throughout.
logical structure
To enhance clarity and cohesion, make sure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and the essay flows logically from one idea to the next. This can be achieved through the use of topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs and transition words or phrases between ideas.
clear comprehensive ideas
For more comprehensive ideas, deepen your analysis of why people choose cosmetic surgery and its impacts. Consider discussing broader societal or psychological considerations.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate a wider range of relevant examples or evidence. While you have included some examples, further development with a variety of examples will strengthen your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Idealized beauty standards
  • Cosmetic surgery
  • Advancements in medical technology
  • Socially acceptable
  • Self-improvement
  • Psychological well-being
  • Competitive workforce
  • Youthful appearance
  • Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD)
  • Physical appearance
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