Some people think children should spend more time studying, while others believe they should spend more time playing. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The issue of how
children
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should spend their
time
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has become widely debated.
While
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some people believe that
children
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should spend more
time
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studying, others argue that they should have more
time
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for play. In my opinion,
children
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should have a balanced routine,
although
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sufficient study
time
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is more important for their
future
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.
This
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essay will discuss both views before reaching a conclusion. There are several reasons why spending more
time
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studying is beneficial. The main reason is that it helps
children
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improve their academic performance.
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is important because strong educational results can provide better opportunities in the
future
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.
As a result
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, students may become more confident and successful in their studies.
For example
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, a child who spends an extra hour reviewing lessons each day may perform better in examinations. Another important benefit is that regular study helps
children
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develop discipline and responsibility.
This
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can prepare them for higher education and
future
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employment.
However
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, there are
also
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some drawbacks to excessive studying. The main concern is that
children
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may experience stress and tiredness because they have little
time
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to relax.
This
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can reduce their concentration and negatively affect their health.
For example
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, a student who studies for several hours without taking breaks may lose interest in learning.
Therefore
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, it is understandable why some people believe
children
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should have more
time
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to play. In conclusion, both studying and playing are important for
children
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.
However
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, I believe that
study
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the study
show examples
should receive slightly more attention because it supports their education and
future
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opportunities.
Nevertheless
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, regular playtime can help
children
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relax and maintain a healthy balance.

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task response
Overall score: 7. Your ideas are clear, but they need more depth. Explain more fully why play helps children, such as by helping them make friends, learn to share, and stay healthy.
task response
Your own view is clear, but it is not fully balanced. You say study is more important, yet you also say children need a healthy balance. Say how much study and play time you think is best, or explain why study should get only a little more time.
task response
Add one more real or clear example for play. For example, team games can help children work with other people and feel less stress.
coherence and cohesion
The order is clear, but the first body part is longer and stronger than the second. Give the play side two full points, like health and social skills, so both views get equal care.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are used many times, such as “The main reason” and “For example”. Use simple new links too: “Also”, “On the other hand”, “Because of this”, and “In this way”.
coherence and cohesion
Make the end match your main view more clearly. You could say that study should come first, but play every day is still needed for good health and better learning.
task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. Your answer stays on the topic from start to end.
task response
Your examples are clear and help show why study and play matter.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, body, and end. Each body part has one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
You use links such as “For example”, “However”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion” well.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fosters
  • Sense of belonging
  • Transmission
  • Cultural and moral values
  • Overdependence
  • Hinder
  • Social development
  • Autonomy
  • Well-rounded development
  • Invaluable
  • Emotional and moral development
  • Self-reliance
  • Diverse interests
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