IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In recent years, the topic of environmental
protection
Use synonyms
 has emerged as a significant concern for the general public.
While
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 some
individuals
Use synonyms
 contend that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 takes responsibility for conserving the environment, I maintain that
individuals
Use synonyms
 play a vital role in addressing environmental issues.
This
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 essay will elucidate these differing perspectives.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, it is essential to recognise that
individuals
Use synonyms
 should acknowledge the significant roles associated with authorities’ accountabilities. A crucial consideration is that
governments
Use synonyms
 are responsible for allocating money to environmental projects, which highlights that they can implement legislation to limit pollution, emissions and protect natural resources.
For example
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, it is noteworthy that the state can invest in renewable energy,
such
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 as solar energy, wind or wave
power
Punctuation problem
power,
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 in order to reduce reliance on fossil fuels.
In addition
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, another important point to emphasise is that the authorities should improve the public transport systems.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that
this
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 encourages more people to use buses and trains,
while
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 the administration raises people’s awareness of preserving natural resources.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, it is crucial to consider the opposing viewpoint that
individuals
Use synonyms
 have limited ability to solve environmental problems. A significant factor to explore is that many problems are too complex and widespread for
individuals
Use synonyms
 to tackle environmental issues on their own, which underscores that meaningful changes often require collective efforts. To illustrate
this
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 perspective, one might refer to environmental
protection
Use synonyms
, where
individuals
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 can reduce their use of plastic, but
this
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 action alone is unlikely to solve the problem.
Furthermore
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, it is essential to highlight that
individuals
Use synonyms
 often lack the resources to solve large-scale problems.
This
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 assertion is supported by the fact that
governments
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 have greater power to implement solutions that can affect millions of people.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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governments
Use synonyms
 play a crucial role in protecting the environment by implementing legislation and investing in renewable energy,
individuals
Use synonyms
 shouldn’t be overlooked because their actions can contribute to environmental
protection
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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, I believe that effective environmental
protection
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 requires shared responsibility and cooperation between
governments
Use synonyms
 and
individuals
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Make your main view more direct in the introduction. You say people have a vital role, but the first body part mainly explains what governments can do. State clearly that you partly agree: governments lead, but people also matter.
task response
Answer the key idea more fully: can individuals do too little? Explain how many small acts, when done by many people, can have a large effect. For example, less plastic use can cut waste if many homes and shops do it.
task response
Develop each example one step more. After clean energy or public transport, explain the result for the air, waste, or climate.
coherence and cohesion
The second body part starts with the view that people have limited power, but the conclusion says people should not be overlooked. Add a clearer turn, such as: “However, limited power does not mean no power.” This will make your line of thought smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and have too many ideas. Use shorter sentences to make the links clearer. For example, split the sentence about public transport and public awareness into two sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid using the same sentence starts many times, such as “It is essential” and “A significant”. Use simpler links like “Also”, “However”, “As a result”, and “For this reason”.
task response
You give a clear view: both the government and people have a part to play. Your main points stay on the topic.
task response
You use useful examples, such as clean energy, public transport, and using less plastic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “On the one hand”, “For example”, “In addition”, and “In conclusion”.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental protection
  • responsibility
  • politicians
  • individuals
  • large-scale
  • policies
  • regulations
  • impact
  • corporations
  • environmentally friendly practices
  • resources
  • expertise
  • collective efforts
  • difference
  • combination
  • crucial
  • effective
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