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Writing Samples
Band 8

Many criminals re-offend after they have been punished. Why do some people continue to commit crimes after they have been punished, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

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Introduction
Crime is a persistent issue in many societies, and a particularly concerning problem is the tendency of some offenders to reoffend after completing their sentences.
This
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 essay will examine the main reasons behind
this
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 phenomenon and propose several measures that could help reduce recidivism.
Body paragraph 1
One major reason why people return to criminal
behaviour
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 is the environment in which they were raised.Individuals who grow up in dysfunctional families or deprived communities may be exposed to violence, substance abuse, and other forms of antisocial
behaviour
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 from an early age.
Consequently
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, criminal activity may become normalised, making it difficult for
such
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 individuals to adopt a law-abiding lifestyle later in life. Another contributing factor is the influence of negative social networks. Former offenders who continue to associate with criminals may find themselves under considerable pressure to return to illegal activities.
For instance
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, a person who grows up with an addicted parent and is introduced to drugs during childhood may
subsequently
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 regard substance abuse and other forms of criminal
behaviour
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 as normal.
Body paragraph 2
Several measures can be implemented to address
this
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 problem.
First,
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governments should place greater emphasis on rehabilitation rather than relying solely on punishment. Former offenders could be provided with education, vocational training, psychological support, and assistance in finding employment, all of which could help them establish stable and independent lives.
In addition
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, individuals considered to be at high risk of reoffending could be placed under appropriate supervision after completing their sentences. Regular monitoring, combined with counselling and support, could help them avoid harmful influences and reintegrate successfully into society.
Finally
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, greater investment in disadvantaged communities could address some of the underlying social conditions that contribute to crime in the first place.
Conclusion
In conclusion, people may return to crime because of dysfunctional childhood environments, negative social influences, and a lack of opportunities for rehabilitation.
Although
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 punishment remains necessary in some cases, governments should place greater emphasis on rehabilitation, education, employment, and post-release supervision. By addressing both the causes and consequences of criminal
behaviour
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, societies can improve public safety and reduce reoffending.

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task response
Add one more clear, real-world example for the help after prison part. For example, explain how job help can stop a person from going back to old friends or crime for money.
task response
The point about childhood and the point about bad friends are close. Make the difference clearer: childhood can shape what a person sees as normal, while bad friends can pull a person back into crime after prison.
task response
You could also mention that some people cannot get work or a home after prison. This would make the reasons more complete and make the answer stronger.
coherence and cohesion
There is a missing space in 'raised.Individuals'. Write 'raised. Individuals'.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences have many ideas. Split them when needed so the meaning is even easier to follow. For example, the sentence about help after prison could be made into two shorter sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Use a more direct topic sentence in the second main part, such as 'There are several ways to reduce repeat crime.' This can make the move from causes to solutions even smoother.
task response
You answer both parts of the question well. You explain why some people go back to crime and give clear ways to help stop this.
task response
Your ideas are on topic and are explained with useful detail, such as family life, bad friends, work, training, and help after prison.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Each main part has a clear job.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words such as 'Consequently', 'For instance', 'First', 'In addition', and 'Finally' help the reader follow your ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation
  • reintegration
  • social stigma
  • vocational training
  • economic desperation
  • mental health support
  • institutionalization
  • peer influence
  • mentorship programs
  • crime cycle
  • societal inclusion
  • job readiness programs
  • re-offending
  • ex-offenders
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