Financial education should be included as a mandatory subject in schools to prepare students for managing money effectively. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
There is an ongoing debate overe wether financial education should be added as a compulsory subject in the school curriculum in order to teach students how to manage their money effectively or wether shouldn't. I largely agree to teach children financial education for several reasons.
Body paragraph 1
One of the main reasons why I support providing financial classes is
.
Correct word choice
that
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It prepares them for real life and teaches them how to manage their budget. Many graduate students often struggle with financial obstacles , not only because they do not earn enough capital, but
also
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because they do not know how to spend their salary effectively. As a results they usually spend their time and money to unneccasery things
such
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as buying online courses to learn how to allocate
,
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and
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spend their funds properly. Financial subject might be a great solution for these troubles as it teaches them not only how to spend but
also
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how to earn and allocate their salaries effectively.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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, providing that kind of vocational trainings combat problems
such
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as poverty and unemployment. Many new businessmen or businesswomen usually make mistakes
while
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managing their property simply because they didn't learn it. Consecuantly they lose their businesses and borrow debts from banks or even from the government, which has bad consequences not only for themselves but
also
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for the government's budget. Teaching recruitment from their childhood to spend funds in the right way can protect them from poverty.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly believe that educating students' financial literacy has great advantages since it prepares them for real life and provides vocational training and , in some cases, addresses many financial issues in society as a whole.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that this subject should be a must. To make the answer stronger, explain more fully why each point matters. For example, say how a class could teach saving, bills, loans, and safe use of bank cards.
task response
Your first main point is useful, but some ideas are not clear. The part about people buying online courses needs a clearer link to the main point. Use one simple real-life example of a young worker making a budget.
task response
Your second point needs more care. Business failure, poverty, and job loss are large problems with many causes. Do not say that money lessons can protect all people from poverty. Say that they can help people make better choices and lower some money risks.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduce your view, give one reason, give a second reason, then end with your view. Your essay mostly does this, but the second body part moves too quickly from business mistakes to poverty.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first sentence of each body part complete and direct. For example: 'Financial education can prepare students for adult life.' Then explain it and give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Use links in a natural way. 'First', 'For example', 'As a result', and 'Therefore' can show how one idea leads to the next. Check that each link matches the meaning of the sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because of word choice and grammar. Keep sentences shorter. This will make the order of your ideas easier to see.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep the same view to the end.
task response
You use relevant main ideas: daily money use, budgets, work, and business choices.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion brings back the main reasons and clearly ends the essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial literacy
  • Mandatory
  • Budgeting
  • Economic stability
  • Fiscal health
  • Credit
  • Interest rates
  • Investments
  • Curriculum
  • Informed decisions
  • Personal debt
  • Savings
  • Taxes
  • Expenditures
  • Fiscal responsibility
  • Money management
  • Financial planning
  • Economic education
  • Financial competence
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