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Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart below shows the number of people who visited different museums in London during different months in 2015.

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This
Linking Words
 bar chart shows the number of visitors to four London museums in the year 2015. And the bar chart shows the measurement in 100'000's of people.
Whats
Correct your spelling
What
 stands out
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 is that the national
museum
Use synonyms
, compared to the other
mueseums
Correct your spelling
museums
, has the lowest amount of visitors. The science
museum
Use synonyms
 has an
overall
Linking Words
amount
Check wording
number
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 of 400'000 guests monthly. September is their peak
month
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 December is their lowest
month
Use synonyms
. In comparisson the history
museum
Use synonyms
 has a very similar amount of people visiting,
although
Linking Words
 in August they are reaching up to 600'000 attendes. The
british
Capitalize the proper name
British Museum
show examples
museum
Use synonyms
 is reaching over 700'000 visitors
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is the highest number in the
month
Use synonyms
 of August out of all
the
Correct article usage
apply
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four places. In
general
Add a comma
general,
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 the
brith
Correct your spelling
British Museum
museum
Use synonyms
 is the most popular out of all of them
in
Change preposition
apply
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every single
month
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Overall
Punctuation problem
Overall,
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this
Linking Words
 chart shows that there is a constant and high demand for visiting museums in London.
In
Linking Words
particular
Add a comma
particular,
show examples
 the months of August
und
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 September attract
in particular
Linking Words
 higher amounts of visitor
then
Linking Words
 any other months.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in particular, overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words museum, month with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • visitor numbers
  • museum attendance
  • monthly figures
  • the highest number
  • the lowest figure
  • a steady increase
  • a gradual decline
  • a sharp rise
  • a noticeable drop
  • remain stable
  • reach a peak
  • fall to a low
  • fluctuate slightly
  • be more popular than
  • attract more visitors
  • the gap between
  • in comparison with
  • over the course of the year
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